A Beginner’s Guide to Corporate Bullshit
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Loading... - ellis maisie
- 08 Mar 2023
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Downsizing: we’re firing you because we don’t have enough spare cash to pay the CEO’s year-end bonus.
Restructuring: we can’t legally fire you, so we’re going to undertake a time-consuming and nonsensical restructuring of the entire department that will allow us to a) phase out your role and get rid of you without being sued, and b) pay the CEO’s year-end bonus.
There’s Lots of Moving Parts: we have no idea what is going on or when it needs to be done, so please stop asking questions.
Think Outside the Box: we still have no idea what is going on but want to use the company credit card to eat lunch at that fancy restaurant down the street, so we’d like you to come up with the solution and tell us the answer when we get back. There’s a good dog.
Just Touching Base: we’re hanging around your desk for the nineteenth time today because we have control issues and consequently don’t trust you to complete that menial task without lighting up a crack pipe and stealing the office furniture. Read More…
