12 Things You Should Never Say To Someone Whose Consciousness Was Accidentally Uploaded Into A Vending Machine
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Loading... - robyn anna
- 23 May 2022
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Don’t make things worse for someone whose consciousness got transplanted into a vending machine by mistake. Think before you speak!
1. “At least you have access to free snacks whenever you want. That must be nice.” You may think you’re pointing out a silver lining, but you aren’t. This type of comment can come off as passive aggressive at best, and ignorant at worst—after an event as life-changing as having their brain uploaded into a self-serve snack vendor, your friend has a lot more on their mind than free BBQ Fritos! We guarantee it!
2.“My other friend’s brain is trapped inside a Keurig. I actually think you two would make a cute couple!” It’s rude, and a bit ableist, to assume that your friend is only interested in dating other machines with human consciousnesses stuck inside them. They’re perfectly capable of having happy, fulfilling relationships with people whose minds inhabit the corporeal form they were originally born into, FYI.
3. “So…is the slot where I reach in to grab the snacks your anus or your mouth?” Okay, first off, it’s neither. And second? That’s none of your business.
4. “Why didn’t you try harder to avoid getting your consciousness stuck in a vending machine?” Stop for a minute and ask yourself if this is productive to say. (Hint: it’s not!)
5. “If your clothes don’t fit your new vending machine body, I’d love to take them off your hands.” C’mon. Don’t make the situation about you. Instead, if you want to be helpful, politely offer to have your friend’s old clothes tailored to their new 72” x 39” x 33” measurements.
6. “You’re so brave to go on like this. If my brain got uploaded into a vending machine, I’d beg for someone to kill me.” Believe it or not, getting your consciousness trapped inside a vending machine isn’t a death sentence. Your friend might be totally adjusted and content with living life as an immobile food dispenser. Save your pity for someone who needs it. Read More…
