4 Online Dating Rules To Help You Find Your Perfect Match
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Loading... - Susan McCartney
- 26 May 2022
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If you're single, looking for love and not online, you might want to get on that, stat! In the quest for romance, more than half of Canadian singles have tried online dating, according to matchmaking heavyweight Match.com, and one in five relationships begins online. While there's no magic recipe for finding "the one," if you're persistent and open, you may discover a treasure in that great big virtual sea. Here's how.
RULE 1: BE PERSISTENT
Lara*, a 28-year-old publicist from Toronto, dabbled in online dating after signing up on JDate.com, a Jewish singles site, in her early 20s. "I went on a bunch of dates, but there was nothing romantic there," she says. Then, last year, she tried Tinder, sometimes known as a "hookup app," with the goal of meeting three people. She met Todd*, a 30-year-old behavioural therapist, shortly after and "something just clicked." They're now engaged and living together. "I never, ever thought it would work or that I'd find someone special so quickly," she says.
Why it works: Just because it didn't click the first time doesn't mean it won't click the next. "It can be disheartening when you've been dating online for a while and you're having no luck," says Kimberly Moffit, a relationship expert and Canadian spokesperson for Match.com. "The key is to give it a fair chance," she says. That means a six-month trial and really making an effort, including scheduling online dating time and commiting to meeting as many people as possible. "Treat it as a part-time job or a hobby that you enjoy," advises Moffit.
RULE 2: DON'T LET UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS HOLD YOU BACK
With the wide pool of potential dates online, it's easy to paint a picture of your ideal mate. Tick off all of your preferred traits—interests and looks—and you'll narrow the field to perfect-for-you candidates. But stick too closely to that list and you can seriously limit your chances of making a great connection.
Pickiness hasn't helped 40-year-old Nancy MacEachern, a Calgary-based graphic
designer. Single for 2 1/2 years, Nancy was diagnosed with breast cancer at 38, then underwent a mastectomy and chemotherapy treatments and is now in remission. The experience has changed her perspective. "Before, I would go on dates with lots of different people and maybe give somebody a chance," she says. "But I became even pickier and that became frustrating." After trying Plenty of Fish and Match.com with little success, Nancy is discouraged about the prospect of finding love online, though she admits her high standards may not be helping. "I'm not interested in talking to anybody who doesn't check five of those boxes," she says. "I feel like I deserve more."
Why it works: Some self-examination and an open mind can go a long way, says
Caroline Pukall, a psychology professor at Queen's University in Kingston, Ont. "A lot of people go online and are, like, ‘What can I find?' as opposed to ‘What am I looking for?'" says Pukall, which is ideal, since the former attitude will lead to greater success. If you are too picky and you eliminate 95 percent of prospective mates, you might not be ready to date or commit. "People have to take a good look at themselves—before they take a look at what's available online— and be clear with respect to what they're looking for," says Pukall. That may mean reassessing which qualities are must-haves and which are more flexible. "You really cannot get a feel for someone until you're in a room with that person," adds Moffit. "In our daily lives, we meet lots of people who on paper would look horrible. The important thing is an open heart because you never know who you might fall in love with." Read More…
