5 Reasons to Avoid watching the Australian Open live at All Costs
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Loading... - Frieda Winter
- 28 Aug 2024
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The Australian Open: the crown jewel of tennis tournaments, a spectacle that draws in millions of viewers worldwide with its thrilling serves, razor-sharp volleys, and grueling five-set matches. But, dear reader, beware: attending this event live is a recipe for disaster. Here are five compelling reasons to stay far, far away from the Australian Open.
Reason 1: The Sun Will Literally Incinerate You
Melbourne in January is a lovely place, if you enjoy being slowly cooked alive by the harsh Australian sun. The stadium's roof might provide some respite, but don't be fooled – the UV rays will still find a way to sear your skin into a crispy, lobster-like complexion. And don't even get me started on the poor souls stuck in the outside courts. Bring sunscreen? Ha! You'll need a fire extinguisher.
Reason 2: The Crowds Will Drive You to the Brink of Madness
Tennis fans are a... passionate bunch. They're like a swarm of bees on a mission from God, except instead of honey, they're after overpriced concessions and a glimpse of their favorite player's sweat-drenched brow. Be prepared for non-stop screaming, chanting, and the occasional impromptu rendition of "Waltzing Matilda" – all while you're trying to enjoy a peaceful afternoon of tennis.
Reason 3: The Food Will Bankrupt You
A cold beer and a meat pie sound like a lovely accompaniment to a day of tennis, don't they? Think again, friend. The prices at the Australian Open are so exorbitant, you'll need to take out a second mortgage just to afford a bag of stale popcorn. And don't even get me started on the "gourmet" options – $20 for a soggy sandwich? No thank you.
Reason 4: The Players Will Disappoint You
Let's face it: your favorite player will inevitably lose in the first round to some unheralded 19-year-old prodigy from Eastern Europe. And don't even get me started on the inevitable Nick Kyrgios meltdown – it's like watching a train wreck in slow motion, except the train is made of tantrums and shattered rackets.
Reason 5: You'll Never Get a Decent Selfie
With the sun beating down, the crowds surging, and the overpriced food coursing through your veins, the last thing you'll want to do is take a selfie to commemorate the occasion. But, of course, you'll try anyway – and end up with a photo that's 90% sweat-glistened forehead, 10% blurry tennis court. Not exactly the Instagram-worthy moment you were hoping for.
So, there you have it: five airtight reasons to stay far, far away from the Australian Open. Trust us, your wallet (and your skin) will thank you.
