An outlook on loneliness in marriage
-
Loading... - Fatoumata Seck
- 11 May 2023
- 75 Views
- 0 Like
- 0 Comment
If you are feeling lonely in your marriage, talking to your spouse is an essential first step.
Valeria Mwiza gave up on her marriage after 12 years. Despite having two wonderful children, she regrets marrying a man who was busy with everything but his family, to the point that he stopped providing for them altogether. As a new mother, she expected him to be part of her childbirth experience but he was unenthusiastic.
She assumed the responsibilities of both a mother and father to her children, as her husband was not fulfilling them, not because he lacked the funds but because he needed to be reminded of his household duties. She recalls working hard to cater to the needs of the home and the children’s school fees. They turned into total strangers and she felt lonely, which piled up anger and grief elicited by the challenges. Her husband complained about her changed attitude of not submitting to him. She felt empty, and it became clear that they were both better off going their separate ways. They officially separated this year, and their families were supportive of their decision as they could no longer bear to stay together.
Loneliness is a feeling of unwanted isolation or lack of connection. Feeling lonely can increase one’s risk of early mortality, and feeling isolated can also upsurge the risk of high blood pressure, increased body mass index, high-density (lipoprotein) cholesterol levels, depression, decreased immunity, and suicidal thoughts. According to Celestin Mutuyimana, a psychotherapist at Baho-Ubudaheranwa Clinic, Gikondo, loneliness is triggered or is a sign of several untold problems among couples, including the absence of a romantic relationship, lack of positive communication, irresponsibility of one of the partners, mismatch of interests, one-way relationship, or even unmet needs and disappointments due to high hopes. It may also be a result of physical illness or psychological disorders like depression of one partner, and even aging.
Mutuyimana encourages opening up to one’s partner and explaining the feeling. One’s partner may not notice that you’re lonely unless you say it. He advises revising one’s background and observing where one has ‘wounds’ and taking measures together towards healing.
Jane Mwangi, a Maxwell certified coach, trainer, speaker, and behavioral analysis consultant, says loneliness is in most cases stirred up by controlling spouses who want things to always go their way. Being too busy for each other to the extent of not nurturing the foundation of the family, and not meeting each other’s needs physically and emotionally, sets boredom in motion. Mwangi recommends finding ways to uplift others, for instance, serve others together.
