Dating: Should you watch porn with your partner?
We often hear that porn use in a relationship can be damaging. Introducing porn into a relationship could lead to jealousy issues and other intimacy problems.
So, it took me by surprise then when a friend asked if she should watch porn with her partner in a bid to ignite their intimacy and improve their relationship.
Porn is such a polarising topic. In 2020, research found that couples who shared pornography use and frequently watched porn together tend to be more satisfied with their relationship and sex life.
Other studies have found that frequent porn use could diminish commitment in certain couples.
In Singapore, it’s not illegal to watch porn or visit sites with pornography. However, it is illegal to create, distribute, and possess pornographic images and videos. It’s also illegal to possess images or footage without consent.
Oddly enough, the answer to my friend's question was a difficult one to answer.
Now, I’m no sex expert, but when she asked, I couldn’t help but think about how loaded this question actually is.
A quick online search on ways to improve intimacy and sex in relationship often bring up results from lifestyle sites like Cosmo and Women’s Health that are in favour of watching porn together.
While there isn’t anything inherently wrong with watching porn, I couldn't help but think of all the nuances that these publications tend to miss when advocating for its use in relationships.
Most of these sites rarely discuss the proper ways of communicating your sexual wants with your partner, and very few touch on what to do if porn use has caused more harm than good.
An expert's view
Curious, I decided to reach out to Dian Handayani, a Singapore-based psychotherapist who specialises in sex therapy and working with clients with wide range of sexual issues, from mismatched libido, erection issues, body image and even trauma..
“Before we even begin to answer the question, we need to understand what porn is about,” Dian said in a phone interview.
“Essentially, porn is a form of entertainment, not sex education. It’s not accurate, or even a reflection of real-life. In fact, porn is highly stylised, it’s almost like sex on steroids,” she laughed while sharing her definition.
In Dian's view, that there’s nothing wrong with watching porn with a partner. Read More…
