Destination wedding etiquette: the pros and cons, and all your questions answered
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Loading... - Nicole Harriet
- 01 Oct 2020
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A must-read for guests and the bride and groom.
It was clear that destination weddings were increasingly becoming a norm in the Vogue office when we realised that the majority of holidays being taken by staff members were organised around a destination wedding (just to rattle off a list: Tel Aviv, Jamaica, Los Angeles, Pai in Thailand and more).
For all parties involved, a destination wedding sounds good in theory. The bride and groom always seem to think that a destination wedding will be another filter for the guest list – but it’s always your best friend who won’t be able to make it because she can’t get leave from her new job, while your third cousin and his entire family all have a free calendar. For the guests, it’s a chance for all of your friends to go on a joint holiday, a last hurrah before you all doing boring grown-up stuff like get coupled up, settle down and start talking about yourselves in the plural personal pronoun of ‘we’.
If you’re the bride and groom…
- Think about the location. Is it easy to get to? Is it somewhere where your guests will enjoy themselves? Is it sentimental or meaningful?
- Get your save-the-dates out early. Remember to give your guests enough notice. Last minute flights to [insert exotic locale] don’t come cheap and general life re-organisation takes longer than anticipated.
- While it’s by means not expected, if you’re feeling particularly generous, financially assisting with accommodation and flights – even a small token – is always appreciated and remembered. Or at least arrange group rates on airfares and accommodation where possible.
- Do provide information and suggestions on how to get there – and organising and paying for shuttle buses – and where to stay. If you’re in a location where hotel rooms are sparse, call up ahead and make sure there’s availability or investigate short-term holiday rentals. And although not ideal, be prepared that some of your guests will refer to you as if you’re a travel agent.
- Once at the wedding, the guests shouldn’t be expected to pay for any of the events like pre-wedding dinners.
- Expect that some close friends and family won’t be able to attend, so try to gauge their availabilities before locking anything in.
- While before, after and during the wedding you’re technically on holiday, do make sure you spend quality time with each and every guest who have made the effort to come to your wedding.
- Be prepared for how stressful it will be to organise a wedding in a foreign place. Make sure you have a trusted local planner who knows the ins and outs of the destination, and visit the place ahead of the wedding. While a faraway locale might make you think otherwise, it definitely won’t be a holiday for you until the actual honeymoon.
If you’re the guest…
- Yes, you may be outlaying some finances to get yourself there, but you still need to give a gift. Let your budget (including how much you spent to get there) and your relationship with the couple guide you. If it’s a bulky gift you can give it to the couple before or after the wedding so that they don’t need to carry it home.
- Organise airfares and accommodation with friends to find some savings.
- Do make a holiday out of it with your friends. If you’re going all the way, you might as well travel elsewhere.
- Don’t be a chimer: get a sense of when the wedding festivities are over and leave the bride and groom to enjoy their honeymoon.
