Five occasions when it's f**king fine to swear in front of your kids
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Loading... - Cumbane aiden
- 04 May 2023
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CHILDREN are precious angels, and we shouldn’t destroy their innocence by using bad language in front of them. Apart from on these occasions:
In the car
Parents are wound up so tight that even the slightest indiscretion in traffic causes a volcanic eruption. Someone just cut you up? Feel free to give them both barrels – profanity, elaborate hand signals to imply they’re wankers and hammering on the horn. Sorry, kids, Mummy’s got road rage.
Standing on one of their toys
Sadly, the period where everyone buys your newborn cuddly toys is brief. Before long they’re onto the hard stuff and the floor is littered with pointed plastic things like Lego and model dinosaurs. When you stand on a triceratops and loudly yell that you’re ‘glad the motherf**king bastards are f**king extinct’ your child starts crying inconsolably even though you’re the one with a horn stuck in the sole of your foot.
When you open their nursery bill
Despite sitting down and bracing yourself to open the email, every time you see you owe Kiddywinks Day Nursery £900 a month you can’t help some pretty colourful language slipping out. For that amount, you’d expect your toddler to be able to play the violin or speak Japanese by now, when in reality they come home covered in paint and carrying a bag with some shitty trousers inside. Read More…
