Five things dickheads say instead of 'please'
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Loading... - Sharon Lambert
- 05 Apr 2023
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Common courtesy costs nothing, but some people prefer the pathetic ego trip of throwing their weight around. Here are the pseudo-insults they mistake for ‘please’.
A question
This is basically saying: ‘Are you a dense bastard who doesn’t understand my simple demand?’ Why say please when you can rudely say: ‘Bacon butty, yeah?’ followed by ‘Ketchup too, K?’ The person behind the counter is now morally entitled to add their own personal sauce to the order.
Implying you’ve got a bad attitude
Office dicks love feeling superior by vaguely suggesting their minions are deliberately avoiding work, eg. ‘Can you do X – if you can spare a minute?’ or ‘… if that’s not too much trouble?’ Just say: ‘I will, if you can spare the time to say, please?’ You’ll sound like a dick too but it will annoy them more, so that’s fine.
An urgent deadline
You can spot an Alpha prick because their demand is absolutely urgent, expressed in self-aggrandising bullshit like ‘Skinny macchiato. To go, yesterday.’ However you know they’re not about to sign off a multi-billion dollar deal, they’re a wanker estate agent who’s late to show someone a crap semi with bedrooms that struggle to accommodate anyone larger than an Ewok. Read More…
