How to completely waste your Saturday morning
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Loading... - Alonso Oscar
- 29 May 2023
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Saturday mornings are like precious sanctuaries in an otherwise harsh world. It's a time reserved for relaxation and rejuvenation. However, let's explore some less-than-ideal ways in which this sacred time is often squandered week after week.
1. Engage in a park run
What could be a more invigorating way to kick-start the weekend than a brisk 5k run on a Saturday morning? Well, quite a few things, actually. After just five minutes of awkwardly shuffling your way around the park, you'll inevitably be struck by a painful stitch, forcing you to double over and perhaps even retch on the ground. Anticipate your body being stiff and sore until you return to work on Monday morning. At least you managed to indulge in an Egg and Cheese McMuffin on your way back home.
2. Nurse a hangover
To celebrate the end of a grueling workweek, you may have thought it was a brilliant idea to indulge in a few too many drinks last night. However, in the unforgiving light of Saturday morning, you'll find yourself yearning for death's sweet release. While you could have been cozily nestled in bed, enjoying some television, here you are, hunched over the toilet, praying for the room to stop spinning. Brace yourself for making this exact same mistake every week until your liver surrenders to the chaos.
3. Play host to a kids' sleepover
One of the numerous drawbacks of parenthood is that, inevitably, your children will reach a point where they want to invite their friends over for a sleepover. During the weekdays, it's a monumental task to wake them up early enough for school, but come the weekend, they'll rise at the crack of dawn, loudly preparing breakfast, playing video games at maximum volume, and pestering you for a ride into town. Will other parents offer to reciprocate and grant you some tranquility? Absolutely not.
4. Explore a car boot sale
If you're seeking to score some pre-owned treasures that are marginally less useless, you'll need to arrive at a car boot sale at the break of day. After hours of perusing through various stalls, you'll eventually come to the disheartening realization that there's nothing truly worthwhile available. However, you won't be able to return empty-handed, so you'll end up purchasing a few pounds' worth of random knick-knacks. Eventually, you'll attempt to sell these same items at a car boot sale a few weeks later out of desperation and dire financial straits.
5. Conduct the "big shop"
Saturday morning is often hailed as the prime time to tackle the extensive grocery shopping. Surely, you might think, you'll be the only unfortunate soul pushing a shopping cart around? Think again. The aisles will be congested with shuffling masses of elderly individuals who enter the store as soon as the doors swing open. They move at a snail's pace, obstructing your every path, and by the time you finally escape the queues behind them, it'll already be past lunchtime. Next time, consider ordering everything online like a sensible individual.
