Nerd Bassist to Be Fired if He Refers to Band as “A Fellowship” One More Time
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Loading... - Ashley Walsh
- 02 Mar 2023
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Frustrated members of skatepunk band Hamstring are reportedly only giving their bassist one more chance to stop referring to the band as “a fellowship,” sources close to the group confirmed.
“It’s tough not letting it slip! There are too many similarities between the Hamstring dynamic and the one found in Tolkien’s writings! I’m honestly surprised that the rest of the fellowsh—I mean, uh, BAND doesn’t see it as well,” said bassist Vorton Mopes. “Reggie, the guitarist, gets the most mad at me, but I keep telling him he’s the Gandalf of the fellowship! Who wouldn’t want to be the Gandalf? I know I’m just a humble Samwise, but I feel he should be honored.”
Band members report wanting to distance themselves from the potentially reputation-damaging association with science fiction and fantasy.
“I’m sorry, but I just don’t go in for that geek shit. Vorton’s a great bass player, but he needs to keep all that Dungeons and Dragons stuff out of his mouth when he’s doing press. You’d think he’d listen to me since I’m the ‘Grandpalf’ or whoever he is,” said frontman Reggie Randazzi. “We’re a band, man. I’d even take ‘group’ or ‘outfit’…but ‘fellowship’ just kinda reminds me of my parents calling our gigs ‘recitals.’ I just can’t stomach it.”
Scene legend Shane “Buzzsaw” Frenette lamented that “band” is too narrow a definition for what the collective really is. Read More…
