Post-Breakup: How to Know You're Ready for Your Next Relationship
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Loading... - Arif Siregar
- 19 Oct 2022
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Ouch. You suffered a painful breakup and have been mourning the loss of what you thought would be and the heartfelt crush of an ego bruise. Like for many others, it can hurt! If you’ve lost someone who you felt there was real possibilities, it’s normal to grieve this. It’s called being human. And it’s also being human to recover, tap into your resilience and rise up from the ashes of your personal disappointment and loss. Friends, family, personal work and time can help you get there.
In order to know you’re ready to find love again, it’s important to self-reflect on what happened in the relationship. There are complicated layers to the dynamics between two people in an intimate relationship. Both parties play a role in the dance. Ideally, emotional safety is a hallmark of the relationship and you share relationship goals. But this can go awry.
If you feel you’ve moved past the grief stage of your breakup and you’re ready to see what might be next, it’s time to assess your relationship readiness.
Here are some things to ask yourself:
Have I taken enough time to be clear on what happened and have a more balanced view of responsibility?
If you move too rapidly to the next relationship, the odds that you’ve given ample time to reflect on the prior relationship are not great. It’s important to consider the role you each played. How did your partner behave in ways that didn’t create enough emotional safety? What were your unmet needs? What did you do that might have been a challenge? Were the blips in the relationship addressed or was resentment allowed to build? How did you both communicate about your feelings? If you look closely enough, you likely will see how you both in some way contributed. There are obviously exceptions to this, in outrageous scenarios where people have been totally blindsided, the other had a double life, etc. Generally, two people in a relationship have their own roles even if one is more in your face and the other subtle. It’s important to have some clarity around how the breakup came to be.
To be ready for your next relationship, make sure enough time has passed.
Do I feel secure in who I am individually and not motivated by the fear of being alone?
Sometimes a breakup can leave you feeling unsure, asking yourself what you did to make this happen. Being self-reflective is important but if you are paralyzed by negative thoughts about your unlovability or fears of never finding love again to be forever alone, you may want to take a pause before looking for someone else. Do the work of self-esteem and self-compassion building. Remind yourself of your strengths and what you bring to a relationship.
To be ready for your next relationship, know your value. Read More…
