Recognizing Red Flags in Relationships
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Loading... - Mason Bell
- 02 Jun 2022
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Despite the entire social media community depicting “red flags” as nothing more than measly pet peeves and annoyances, they aren’t.
Although they seem so, red flags aren’t always obvious. A lot of times, people have no idea what to look for which makes it easier to ignore the warning signs. Other times, emotions, memories, and lust get in the way.
We’re always told to steer clear of “toxic people” or people who “give off red flag energy”. But what are red flags really? Throughout all contexts, the term “red flag” signifies a reason to stop.
According to relationship expert, Dr. Wendy Walsh,
In relationships, red flags are signs that the person probably can’t have a healthy relationship and proceeding down the road together would be emotionally dangerous.
While all situations are different and there’s always room for nuance, a red flag indicates a deep problem in the relationship that has to be addressed to have a healthy relationship.
Here are 5 red flags in a relationship that you shouldn’t ignore:
1. Breadcrumbing
Breadcrumbing is the act of leading someone on romantically.
Think of the story Hansel and Gretel when the witch tempts the siblings onward, plotting their doom.
Basically, it means that the other person is stringing you along with no intent of a relationship actually materializing.
Many people intentionally breadcrumb in attempts to keep a hold on you or to manipulate you.
Examples of breadcrumbing:
· 1.) Inconsistent communication.
This is when someone doesn’t consistently talk, or text you. They might contact you a lot for a few days but then, suddenly, a week or two has gone by and you haven’t heard from them.
· 2.) No substance to their communication.
This is when conversations are fairly dry, shallow, and generic. They put no effort or energy into getting to know you truly or engaging in intellectual intimacy.
· 3.) They booty call you.
Direct or indirect, if they are sending you late-night text only, rather than making the proper plans with you then they are after ONE thing.
· 4.) They won’t commit.
It is okay to ask the daring question, “what are we?”, “what’s going on between us?”. While it is valid to not want or need a specific label, if “no label” is combined with the behaviors, 9 times out of 10 they don’t want to commit to you.
2. A Text-ation-ship
A textationship is when a person that texts you all the time makes no effort in seeing you.
These types of relationships can easily make anyone feel like it’s going to work out. After a while, you may want to hang out or go on a date but the other person is always “too busy” or always has an excuse.
A textationship requires little to no effort and indicates a lack of interest.
Examples of a textationship:
· 1.) One or both of you are ALWAYS busy.
People make time for the things they want to make time for so being “too busy” all the time is a good indication that things are not going to go far. It’s nice to have someone you can talk to and feel good talking with them, but never finding time for each other should be an immediate red flag.
· 2.) The get-it-and-quit-it.
You met someone (in person, online dating app, social media, etc) who stated they wanted to “get to know you” so you gave them your number. You two hit it off at first and things seemed to be going well. Not long after getting your number, they stop replying as often. The conversation slows and soon fades. Eventually, communication ceases altogether.
· 3.) The ex-text
You and your ex or old fling still communicate from time to time. You don’t hang out but feel the need to still check up on one another. The conversations never have a real purpose and no efforts are being made to fix or resolve anything.
· 4.) The Catfish
On the MTV show Catfish, people believe the other person isn’t who they say they are because they’ve never met in person or even video chatted. If you are meeting someone who is a potential partner online but has never gone past texting, it’s more than likely things aren’t going to progress. (unless you go on the show, get lucky and find your happy ever after).
