Satire: 5 Good Qualities to Look for in a Girlfriend
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Loading... - Andreas Lehmann
- 15 Jul 2024
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Ah, the age-old quest to find the perfect girlfriend. We've all been there - swiping endlessly on dating apps, going on awkward first dates, and wondering if we'll ever find "the one." But fear not, my lovelorn friends, for I have the secret to unlocking the holy grail of relationships: the 5 essential qualities you should look for in a girlfriend.
Now, before you get too excited, let me be clear - this is no ordinary list. This is question your own dating choices. So, without further ado, let's dive into the 5 good qualities to look for in a girlfriend.
1. She's Clingy AF
Ah, the holy grail of girlfriend qualities - clinginess. Nothing says "I'm totally not desperate for your attention" like a girlfriend who can't go five minutes without sending you a dozen texts, calling you 20 times, and showing up unannounced at your doorstep. Bonus points if she has a complete meltdown every time you even think about hanging out with your friends or family.
After all, who needs personal space and independence when you can have constant validation and the reassurance that your girlfriend will never, ever leave your side? It's the perfect recipe for a healthy, well-adjusted relationship, am I right?
2. She's Completely Unpredictable
Ah, the thrill of the unknown - that's what you'll get with a girlfriend who's as unpredictable as a wild mustang. One minute, she's showering you with affection and making grand declarations of love; the next, she's throwing a tantrum worthy of a toddler and storming out of the room, leaving you to wonder what the heck just happened.
It's like a never-ending game of emotional Russian roulette, and you never know which version of your girlfriend you're going to get. Will it be the sweet, loving one or the raging, irrational one? The suspense is simply delicious!
3. She's Completely Financially Dependent
Let's be real, who needs financial independence and the ability to take care of themselves when you can have a girlfriend who's completely reliant on you for every single penny? It's the ultimate power move - you get to feel like a big, strong, provider-type, and she gets to sit back and enjoy the fruits of your labor.
Imagine the joy of constantly having to bail her out of financial trouble, or the excitement of arguing over every little purchase. It's the perfect recipe for a harmonious, stress-free relationship, don't you think?
4. She's Utterly Jealous and Possessive
Ah, the sweet, sweet scent of jealousy - it's the spice of life, am I right? Nothing says "I'm totally secure in this relationship" like a girlfriend who throws a fit every time you so much as glance at another woman. Bonus points if she demands to know the backstory of every single person you interact with, and if she insists on monitoring your social media activity like a hawk.
After all, what's a relationship without a healthy dose of paranoia and mistrust? It's the perfect foundation for a long, happy, and fulfilling partnership, don't you agree?
5. She's Completely Irrational and Illogical
Last but not least, we have the ultimate girlfriend quality - irrationality and illogical thinking. What's better than a partner who makes decisions based on emotions rather than reason, and who refuses to listen to any form of logic or reason?
Imagine the thrill of constantly having to walk on eggshells, never knowing when your perfectly reasonable request or suggestion will be met with a meltdown of epic proportions. It's the ultimate test of your patience and conflict-resolution skills, and who doesn't love a good challenge?
