Six Ways to Make Your Friends' Resolutions All About You
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Loading... - Rukayat Alli
- 15 Jan 2025
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As the New Year rolls around, many of us are bombarded with the same old resolutions from our friends: "I want to lose weight," "I’m going to read more," or "I’ll finally learn to cook." But why should their self-improvement journeys steal the spotlight? This year, why not take a more self-centered approach? Here are six satirical ways to make your friends' resolutions all about you!
1. Become Their Personal Trainer (Whether They Like It or Not)
So your friend wants to lose weight? Perfect! Volunteer to be their personal trainer, but with a twist. Instead of focusing on their fitness goals, make every workout session about your own fitness journey. “You know, I used to do this exercise, and it really helped me tone my abs. Let’s do it again, but I’ll need you to cheer me on!” Who knew their resolution could double as your own personal fitness showcase?
2. Turn Their Reading Goals into Your Book Club
Your friend has resolved to read more books this year? Fantastic! Suggest starting a book club, but make sure you choose only the books you’ve already read. This way, you can dominate the discussions with your vast knowledge while they struggle to keep up. “Oh, you haven’t read that yet? Let me summarize the entire plot for you—twice!”
3. Become Their Cooking Critic
If your friend is determined to learn how to cook, seize the opportunity to become their self-appointed food critic. Insist on being invited over for every cooking attempt, and then critique their dishes mercilessly. “This pasta is good, but have you tried making it with a hint of saffron? It’s a game-changer! You should really consider that for your next attempt.” Who knew their culinary journey could be your gourmet adventure?
4. Make Their Travel Plans About Your Instagram Feed
If one of your friends resolves to travel more, suggest that they take you along on every trip. After all, what’s a vacation without a few Instagram-worthy photos? “You want to go to Bali? Great! Just think of all the likes I’ll get from our beach selfies! Plus, I can help you plan the itinerary—mostly to ensure we hit all the best spots for my Instagram feed.”
5. Encourage Them to Volunteer—But Only for Causes You Care About
If your friend wants to volunteer more this year, why not steer them toward causes that align with your interests? “Oh, you want to help at the animal shelter? That’s nice, but have you considered volunteering at the art gallery? They really need someone with my impeccable taste in art. Plus, I could use a plus-one for the opening night!”
6. Make Their Self-Care Routine Your New Hobby
Self-care is all the rage, and if your friend is determined to prioritize it this year, why not make it your new hobby? Suggest that they take up yoga, meditation, or spa days, and insist on joining them for every session. “I know you want to relax, but wouldn’t it be more fun if we made it a group thing? I could really use the zen vibes, and I promise to take all the selfies for our social media!”
As your friends embark on their New Year’s resolutions, remember that it’s perfectly acceptable to make their journeys all about you. After all, who wouldn’t want to be the star of the show while their friends strive for self-improvement? So go ahead, embrace your inner narcissist, and enjoy the spotlight while your friends work hard to achieve their goals. Happy New Year, and may your friends’ resolutions serve your interests splendidly.
