Six weird as f**k Christmas carols
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Loading... - Oliver Johnston
- 07 Dec 2021
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God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen
Ladies, you’ve got Girls Just Want To Have Fun and that Shania Twain one for your nights out. This one’s for the blokes of the 17th century. Never mind that it’s in a terrifying minor key and it’s the only carol that features Satan, just focus on the tidings of comfort and joy, yeah?
We Three Kings of Orient Are
Finally, a carol where you get to use syntax like Yoda. And then you reach the verses about gifts, explaining cheerfully that myrrh is to represent ‘sorrowing, sighing, bleeding, dying’. Normal new baby things that were definitely on Mary’s Pinterest mood board.
Ding Dong Merrily On High
Imitating a doorbell is a great and not batshit way to start any song. The real issue is the multiple instances of verb forms that simply don’t exist. ‘Let steeple bells be swungen’? Absolutely not.
I Saw Three Ships
First, shut the f**k up about some ships. Second, apparently they were crewed by our Saviour Christ and his hitherto unmentioned lady? Do you realise how badly this buggers up New Testament continuity? Read More…
