Sparking up in the kitchen: How to be a pain-in-the-arse dinner party guest
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Loading... - Spencer Hamilton
- 22 Mar 2023
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Been invited to a friend’s for dinner? Here’s how to get right on their tits with some deeply annoying and socially inept behaviour:
Spark up while they’re cooking
You resent the smoking ban in pubs and restaurants so it’s nice to go to someone’s home where such draconian nanny state rules don’t apply. They hate smoking but don’t let that stop you lighting a fag right next to the semi-prepared food. You’re considerate enough not to flick fag ash on the floor, so that spoon rest next to the cooker will make an ideal makeshift ashtray.
Don’t take any booze
They’re the hosts, which means the onus is on them to provide food and booze so don’t bother picking anything up en route. Turn up empty-handed and knock back a bottle of their vintage Beaujolais before the starters even make it to the table. They won’t mind your lack of social etiquette and will be delighted to see their guests getting into the party spirit. And if they don’t, why the hell have they invited you over?
Loiter in the kitchen
They’ll be perfectly at ease exchanging banal chit-chat while simultaneously juggling three simmering pans, checking the beef bourguignon and picking meat from a crab. In fact, it’s bloody good of you to keep them company while they slave away. Just be sure to position yourself right in the way of everything they’re trying to do to ensure you have their full attention. Read More…
