The 13 Greatest Moments In Waffle History
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Loading... - Audrey Davis
- 09 May 2022
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Since the beginning of time, waffles have been one of the most popular breakfast foods in the world. The history of waffles is a long one, filled with drama and adventure. Here are the 13 greatest moments in waffle history.
1) 150 Million B.C.: The world’s first waffle blinks into existence out of nowhere, hovers in midair for 10 seconds, and then vanishes into thin air
The world’s first known waffle appeared hundreds of millions of years ago, during the Late Jurassic Period, when dinosaurs ruled the Earth. One afternoon, a medium-sized Belgian waffle suddenly materialized out of thin air about four feet off the ground and hovered there silently for about 10 seconds before abruptly vanishing forever. The only living creature to see the world’s first waffle was a passing stegosaurus, who stared at the floating waffle until it disappeared. While the ancient reptile probably didn’t understand what he was looking at, he is nevertheless the first living creature in the history of our planet to see a waffle, and for that he must be celebrated. It would be countless eons before another waffle would appear on Earth, but this one was the first, and for that it will forever hold a hallowed place in waffle history.
2) 339 B.C.: Aristotle discovers that more than one waffle can exist at a time
In the ancient world, it was long believed that only a single waffle could exist at any given time. If you wanted to make a waffle but there was already a waffle that existed somewhere else, you had to wait for someone to eat that first waffle before you could make any additional waffles. This all changed thanks to Aristotle and his bold, unconventional way of thinking about waffles. Aristotle hypothesized that if there was already a waffle somewhere in the world, you could potentially cook a second waffle, thereby creating a world with multiple waffles. Aristotle proved this revolutionary theory by cooking two waffles and slapping them together like cymbals. Thanks to the Aristotelian Principle Of Multiple Waffles, we now know that as many as 600 waffles can exist in the world at any given time.
3) 206 B.C.: The Qin Dynasty completes the Great Wall Of China to protect the kingdom’s world-famous dog-shaped waffle
In the early days of the Qin Dynasty, Emperor Qin Shihuang sat down to breakfast and was served something incredible: a waffle that looked a lot like a dog. Instead of eating this miraculous waffle, the Emperor used a string to hang it from the ceiling above his royal bed so that he could look at it while he was falling asleep. News of China’s dog-shaped waffle spread quickly throughout the continent, and rival states such as the Mongols and Huns began mounting full-scale, horrifically violent invasions of China in an attempt to see the waffle. In a famous speech delivered to his men before battle, Attila The Hun was quoted as saying, “We don’t want to steal the dog-shaped waffle. We just want to see the dog-shaped waffle. There is nobody we won’t kill for a chance to look at the weird waffle.” In order to keep their dog-shaped waffle safe from the invaders, the Qin constructed the Great Wall Of China, one of the most astounding feats of architecture in human history. The impressive wall kept China’s dog-shaped waffle safe, and it remains one of the largest structures ever built exclusively for protecting a single waffle. The construction of the Great Wall Of China remains a watershed moment in waffle history.
4) 850 A.D.: Islamic scholar Muhammad ibn Musa al-Khwarizmi bakes the world’s first Mickey Mouse waffle
The Medieval Persian scholar Muhammad ibn Musa al-Khwarizmi was a master of many disciplines, including mathematics and astronomy, but perhaps his greatest contribution to mankind was the creation of the world’s first Mickey Mouse waffle. While today waffles in the shape of Mickey Mouse’s head are considered commonplace, in al-Khwarizmi’s time the idea that a waffle could look like Mickey Mouse was almost unthinkable. At the time, Mickey Mouse’s name was not known to the people of the Islamic Golden Age, and scholars simply referred to him as “Goofy’s Sexy Elderly Friend.” The Mickey Mouse Waffle Of al-Khwarizmi was displayed in the legendary House Of Wisdom in Baghdad until its destruction in the 13th century. The waffle was the subject of intense study throughout the Islamic world and was used as the principal template for subsequent Mickey Mouse waffles for over a thousand years.
5) 1443: Langstrom The Living Waffle crawls out of the ocean
While there had been many waffles up to this point, none had been alive. That all changed during the 15th century when residents of the port city of Copenhagen gathered on the beach to watch a 150-pound, four-foot-tall waffle with arms and legs crawl out of the ocean. The waffle kept pointing to itself and screaming the word “Langstrom,” so people began calling him Langstrom The Living Waffle. For several years, the Danish government let Langstrom The Living Waffle wander freely around Copenhagen, but they soon threw him in prison because all he seemed to want to do was sneak into people’s houses and paint watercolor portraits of their sleeping children. Even though he was kind of a freak, Langstrom The Living Waffle remains an icon in waffle history for proving that sometimes waffles can be alive and annoying.
6) 1518: Martin Luther nails a waffle to the door of All Saints’ Church in Wittenberg
In 1517, Martin Luther nailed his 95 Theses to the door of All Saints’ Church and started the Protestant Reformation. One year later, Luther returned to the church and nailed a waffle to the door. Historians largely consider this less important to the development of Protestantism than the 95 Theses, but it is nevertheless a landmark event in the history of waffles. Read More...
