There's A Way To Use Consent In A Sexy Way & It Can Make Things Hotter In Bed
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Loading... - Ndari Aisah
- 13 Jun 2022
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Consent can be a dicey discussion. Some feel that asking for consent outrightly can dull the spark of their sexual encounters, so they look for it in the absence of a ‘No’. For others, a sexual rendezvous is incomplete without the presence of affirmative consent. And then there’s a section of people that’s still trying to catch up to various conversations around consent and wondering, “How do we even go about it?”
The answer is simple — anything except “hell yes” means “no”. It indicates that the other person, be it a man or woman, actively and enthusiastically WANTS it, and isn’t just saying “yes” for the heck of it.
Silence is not consent.
This is where the age-old technique of dirty talking comes into play. Not only does it build sexual tension between partners, it also ensures consent at every step of the way. Talk about what you’re going to do to each other, how you’re going to do it and when. This can work well for verbal and written (sharing flirty texts) consent.
Let’s assume both of you are busy at work during the day and use text messages to stay in touch. Turn up the heat in your chat box by sending texts about how you can’t wait to see each other tonight or how you’ve planned something special for dinner today. “Can I have you for dessert?” is a great way to sense their mood, describe what you’re going to do to them, and get written consent on text.
By the time both of you reach home, you’ll be burning up with desire for each other.
Even as you work on turning your texts into reality, talking during sex can be really arousing. Consent is a constant process, so if you hear your partner moan or say things like, “Yes, don’t stop,” build on that and ask, “You like that, don’t you? Do you want more?” This makes your partner feel heard and validated. It shows you care about their feelings and are willing to work according to their needs.
Remember, feedback during sex builds trust and a pattern of consent that can go a long way for both of you, whether you’re in a serious emotional relationship or a physical one. Getting your partner’s approval in bed is not a turn off, but you know what is? Engaging in a sexual act with an unwilling, unhappy and disengaged partner.
Movies often show the actors staring intensely at each other in a steamy moment. Cut to the next scene and suddenly they are clawing at each other with passion. That’s not how it works in real life.
When it comes to you expressing consent, being confident and unapologetic about your desires is important. Like you, your partner will also be looking for a way to ensure your comfort and consent before they proceed to do anything. Tell them exactly what you want and how you want it — the more detailed you are, the better. Try something along the lines of: “I want to press you against the wall, slowly lift up your skirt and…” Let your imagination run free.
If they say yes, then congratulations, you both have each other’s consent!
If they say no, respect their wishes and say something like: “That’s completely ok,” “No problem, I’m in no rush,” or “I respect that. No pressure.” Read More...
