What Causes Guilt in Relationships And How To Deal With It
-
Loading... - Adela Chvatal
- 17 Jun 2022
- 238 Views
- 0 Like
- 0 Comment
The feeling of guilt has been said to be one of the worst feelings in the world. Sometimes, we feel guilty for no reason at all. Other times, we sense the natural, stomach-twisting feeling of knowing we’ve done something to cause hurt to someone we love.
While guilt can sometimes result from an overactive conscience, oftentimes, that sinking feeling is a subtle cue from your body telling you to pay attention.
In this article, I will share the four main reasons people experience guilt in relationships, along with some helpful ways to deal with this natural feeling.
4 Main Causes of Guilt in Relationships
Here are the four common causes of guilt in relationships and how you can deal with them.
1. Feeling as If You’re Not Good Enough
One main reason for experiencing guilt is a sense of unworthiness. Feeling as if you’re not good enough for someone can be disheartening. These thoughts stem from low self-esteem and can eventually sabotage relationships if not dealt with properly.
In addition to feelings of unworthiness, some of us can be more susceptible to feelings of guilt due to anxiety. According to Psychology Today, the fight or flight response of guilt-proneness is “like having an overactive smoke detector in your head.”
While wanting to be the best version of yourself for your partner is natural, second-guessing yourself and your relationship can lead to feelings of guilt and unhelpful thoughts like, “I’m just holding them back,” or, “They’re better off finding someone more like them.”
Instead, experiment with more helpful thoughts to prevent yourself from comparing yourself to your significant other. More likely than not, your partner’s personality is a lot different than yours, and that’s okay!
Many couples find that opposites attract, which can contribute to a rich dynamic when each person brings their unique strengths to the relationship.
Remember, your significant other chose you, not any other person you may be comparing yourself to. They chose you for you, so feel encouraged to be yourself!
How to Deal With It
If you find yourself dealing with low self-esteem regularly in your relationships, consider speaking to a licensed therapist. A professional can help you understand how to reframe your thoughts to think more positively and in a more helpful tone so you can focus on your love for your partner instead of any potential negative, anxiety-inducing thoughts.
Being able to shift your mindset is a wonderful skill that can benefit all areas of your life.
2. Knowing You’re Not Forthcoming With Your Significant Other
On the other hand, guilt can arise when you know you’ve done something wrong. Whatever your morals may be, the feeling in the pit of your stomach that you can’t seem to shake will continue to persist until you decide to have a conversation with your partner.
Guilt can stem from any circumstance where trust has been breached in a relationship, big or small.
Perhaps you live with your significant other and overspent your agreed-upon budget for the month by making an unnecessary purchase. Instead of allowing the guilt to grow, have a candid conversation with your partner about your spending habits.
They will appreciate you being honest instead of hiding the purchase among credit card bills and other discretionary spending. The conversation could even be an opportunity to ask for help in managing your money if you’ve been challenged by sticking to a budget.
On a more serious level, perhaps you divulged intimate details about challenges you’re experiencing with your partner to a coworker and felt bad about your decision later. Or, maybe you took your actions a step further and betrayed a secret your partner asked you to hold in confidence. Read More...
