A guide to dating Dutch men and women
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Loading... - iris myanew
- 07 Feb 2022
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Contrary to popular belief, not all Dutch men are towering blondies who will make you ‘go Dutch’ and split the bill; or send you a Tikkie for the extra bitterballen you scoffed down during a date. Similarly, not all Dutch women are ball-busting supermodels. However, while it’s always wise to take such cultural stereotypes with a pinch of salt and not generalize an entire nation, no one can deny there are certain traits you are likely to come across when dating in the Netherlands.
Understanding these traits and the mindset of Dutch men and women is key to navigating the local dating pool with ease; especially as an expat. It will also help you avoid any misunderstandings further down the line when you are in a relationship.
An overview of dating in the Netherlands
When it comes to dating, the Dutch like to keep things casual and let things progress naturally. And just like anything else in life, they prefer to approach their romantic pursuits with a sense of practicality. This laid-back approach to dating doesn’t mean that Dutch men and women don’t take love and relationships seriously. Far from it. It is more down to the fact that the Dutch can be cautious with letting newcomers in; whether this is a friendship or a romantic partnership. This is an important thing to remember if you are an expat looking to date a local man or woman.
Breaking through the cultural barriers
Many expats claim that the Dutch avoid making real connections with foreigners; making it difficult to get past the first dating hurdle and meet a suitable match. Some also say that once they do make the breakthrough, reaching a serious relationship level can take time. Again, this is not necessarily personal but rather a result of typical Dutch personality traits. As an expat, it is possible to find love with a local, and many foreigners report happy relationships and marriages with Dutch nationals.
Freedom and choice in relationships
Couples living in the Netherlands have more options than most when it comes to official types of living arrangements. Depending on a couple’s preferences, they can get married (huwelijk) or enter into a registered partnership (geregistreerd partnerschap). They can also sign a cohabitation agreement or live together without signing any formal agreement at all. Fortunately, LGBTQI+ couples living in the Netherlands have the same options as their heterosexual counterparts.
This modern and progressive way of living perhaps accounts for the substantial decline in marriages in recent years. According to figures from Statistics Netherlands (CBS), 64,400 couples tied the knot in 2017, compared with around 85,000 couples 20 years ago. Registered partnerships are also becoming more popular in the Netherlands. In fact, they now account for 18% of all unions in the country. In 2017 alone, 17,900 couples entered a partnership; a significant increase of 11,000 over the last decade.
How to meet people in the Netherlands
Fortunately, the casual nature of Dutch society means that meeting potential partners is relatively easy. Dating practices are also similar to other European countries. Teenagers generally begin to socialize with peers at school, within their neighborhood, or through social activities and local clubs. Young adults, meanwhile, tend to meet at bars and clubs, through social groups and activities, and via dating apps and websites.
Like many other cultures, the Dutch like to meet potential new partners through trusted friendship circles. That way, they can gradually get to know someone before developing a romantic relationship. Whether this means heading to a house party or a casual borrel with friends, there are plenty of opportunities to meet like-minded singles.
Also similar to other cultures, dating apps and websites are becoming the norm in the Netherlands; particularly among expat communities in the larger cities such as Amsterdam, Utrecht, and Rotterdam. According to a survey by Statista, the most popular dating app in the Netherlands in 2019 was Tinder; used by roughly 60% of Dutch singles seeking a relationship. Badoo and Happn are also popular options for casual dating.
Dating etiquette in the Netherlands
You might say that the Netherlands has less of a dating etiquette than other countries like the US or the UK. For starters, there are fewer ‘rules’ about when to call back, kiss, or spend the night. Actions are based more on instinct rather than a set of arbitrary guidelines. And because Dutch men and women value honesty and efficiency, playing hard-to-get or playing silly games have little value in the Netherlands. Instead, people prefer to put their cards on the table so you don’t have to assume anything.
Confidence and being to the point also rank high, which means being successful in dating can require a level of assertiveness; if you want something, just do it. Of course, you might get a flat-out rejection but at least you won’t waste your time or energy. The importance of honesty also means that Dutch men and women are unlikely to mislead someone. This is good news if you are seeking a meaningful relationship.
A typical dating scenario in the Netherlands
The Dutch are renowned for being straightforward, straight-talking, and down-to-earth, and this transcends to the world of dating. For instance, they may prefer to enjoy a cold pint and a Dutch snack at a cozy (gezellig) café or bar rather than dine at a fancy restaurant. The Dutch love for the great outdoors might also mean that some dates involve having a picnic in a park, cycling to the beach, or visiting other popular nature spots in the Netherlands. Whatever you end up doing, it will almost certainly be casual.
Unlike some cultures, where the man traditionally initiates the first date, it is not uncommon for women to make the first move in the Netherlands. After all, gender equality is strong in this progressive country. And because the Dutch are known to be open and blunt, there is no shame in discussing whether you are dating other people or want to be exclusive. You will likely receive an honest answer – even if it’s not the one you were hoping for.
Dating behavior in the Netherlands
While it might be unfair to stereotype a whole nation, there are certain behavioral traits that you are likely to come across when dating in the Netherlands. Furthermore, these can differ significantly from other European cultures.
Dressing down
For starters, the Dutch aren’t exactly known for dressing to the hilt. Part of this has to do with the prevalent bike culture. After all, trying to bike in high heels and a cute little dress in the rain is not an appealing prospect. This also comes down to the laid-back attitude of the Dutch, which tends to extend to clothes – and makeup. Therefore, you may want to take it down a notch if you’re used to getting glammed up for a date. And don’t take it personally if your date shows up in a pair of sneakers or arrives at a nice restaurant wearing jeans. Read More…
