A Look At The Class Of 2026
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Loading... - Amelia Poulin
- 24 Oct 2022
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At four-year colleges, the Class of 2026 is now entering its freshman year. The Onion looks at the most surprising, insightful, and significant facts about the Class of 2026.
· First class to be composed of 50% microplastics.
· Survive an average of 15 school shootings a year.
· Woefully unskilled at semaphore-flag communication.
· Lacking the signature pizzazz of the Class of 2025.
· Inordinate number of future cannibals.
· Already hooked on new social media platform you won’t learn about for another three years.
· No unicycle guy this year.
· Over half have begun evolving additional sweat glands to cope with global warming.
