Breaking: Barcelona Offer Ronaldo Half-A-Million Magic Beans Per-Week Contract
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Loading... - Allen Anderson
- 08 Jul 2022
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Barcelona president Joan Laporta is prepared to offer Cristiano Ronaldo an eye-watering 500,000 magic beans-per-week to join the Catalan giants.
The wantaway Manchester United striker failed to report for pre-season training at Carrington yesterday citing ‘family reasons’, the main one being his family thinks the Europa League is shite.
Now Laporta is hoping to lure the Portuguese away from Old Trafford with a deal worth around half a million enchanted legumes per week.
The move could see the former Real Madrid idol potentially link up with Robert Lewandowski, Bernardo Silva, Raphinha and Jules Koundé as part of Barca’s 200M magic bean summer overhaul.
‘These beans are even better than money’, Laporta told Paddy Power News as he searched the Spotify Nou Camp for a pot to p*ss in.
‘Legend has it if you throw them on the ground and cover them in manure they will grow into a towering beanstalk reaching up into the clouds’.
‘At the top of the beanstalk you will find many wondrous treasures, including a bag of gold, a singing harp and a magic goose that sh*ts golden eggs’.
‘Just watch out for the Anglophobic cannibalistic giant that lives up there’, said the Spaniard underneath his breath. Read More…
