How to be a dick and leave a voice message
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Loading... - King Thomas
- 08 Jul 2022
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Want to end a friendship by leaving a voice message? Do it in the most irritating way possible:
Make it long
When it comes to the number of minutes, you’re aiming for double figures. Although go further as you build up stamina. Ideally you want the recipient to let out a yelp of horror when they glance at the runtime of your message, or mistake the number for the time if they receive it in the afternoon.
Ramble
If you’re going to be succinct you may as well send a text. To make the most of the voice message form, lean in and express every dumb idea your meandering brain has to offer. If you lose your train of thought? All the better. Your listener will cherish your stream-of-consciousness until you get back on track.
Never cave in
If the person you’re blaring at replies to your slew of monologues with a text, always respond vocally. Especially if they’re asking an urgent question like ‘I’m locked out, can you let me in?’ or ‘can you please call the fire brigade?’ Hearing your dulcet tones as you waffle on about something completely unrelated will calm them down.
Never edit
You’re free to bail out of a message that gets interrupted, but that doesn’t mean you should. Instead, use the intrusion to pad out a lengthy voice message even further. This gives you an excuse to follow up with multiple, rambling apologies for wasting their time, or you could go one better by describing your interaction with a barista in mind-numbing detail. Read More…
