Buy Her Flowers Anyway
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Loading... - Astrid Barfuss
- 24 Mar 2023
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“Romance is something you must work at.”
I have never been in a relationship, short term or long where romance did not have to be something that was constantly being worked at. I hear all too often from people that I am coaching, “I hate having to plan it out. It just needs to be spontaneous.” This statement is often followed up with the concept that if you have chemistry, if you love each other that you don’t need to work at the romantic intricacies of the relationship. The belief that if you have to plan it out, talk about it and make it happen then it kills the passion, fun and adventure of it. Or that if you are having to create it that there must be something wrong in the relationship.
Women are always sharing with me how badly they want and need their partner to be like he used to be when they first got together. They tell me how sweet he was, touchy, connected, made them laugh, took them out on dates and looked for memory making events. They tell me how they need him to do the little romantic things, such as buying flowers for no reason, rubbing their feet or shoulders, making out with them with no need to take it any further than the hot moment of connecting like this. Men share with me how they are upset that she won’t dress up for him any longer, she comes home and puts on her mommy clothes and that’s it. She’s no longer playful, smiling and excited to see him at his return. She used to make breakfast in his t-shirt and panties — now she hands him coffee in her jammies and scrolls through social media.
A story I often share is about flowers. Anyone who knows me well, knows how much I adore fresh cut flowers in my home. I love them because they bring beauty to my space, they remind me of all the beauty in life. When my partner buys them for me they speak volumes to how much he loves me and wants to show me the beauty that I bring into his life and our home. As they wilt and need replaced, they become a reminder to me that life and our relationship too always needs freshened up and focused on. I am not big on Valentine’s Day flowers however, or flowers for my birthday (although I still adore receiving them on these dates), for me flowers mean more when there is no occasion because it’s similar to saying, “I love you, I want you to be happy, to remember me when we are apart.” Just like we do when we part ways for the day and we want to tell our mate these things with a kiss goodbye and a kiss hello. When we reserve such a gift of love and connection for only a few moments in the year, it’s the same as if we only told our partner that we loved them on these dates. That would be crazy and many of us understand that we need to share our love every day with our partner, if we are to stay in the relationship and not build distance and questioning. Read More…
