How Important Is Sex in a Relationship, Really?
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Loading... - Averink Michael
- 07 Apr 2023
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WE'VE ALL SEEN breakup scenes in movies and TV shows that involve a line about how the couple hasn’t had sex in months. It makes that we often interpret a dip in sexual frequency as the first sign that something is wrong in a relationship, and that if we're having a lot of sex, our relationship must be on fire.
You might be wondering how important sex actually is in a relationship. Are you doomed if you're not doing it as much as your buddy who constantly brags about his love life in the gym locker room?
The answer is: not necessarily.
We tend to think of frequent sex as a telltale sign of a healthy relationship, thanks to everything from pop culture to patriarchal ideas around pleasure. "That's not real," says sex and relationship therapist Rachel Wright, MA, LMFT. Sex drives vary from person to person, meaning people can feel satisfied with vastly different sexual frequencies. Plus, if you fall under the asexual umbrella, you might not desire sex at all. (Society wrongly assumes that “everyone is sexual, meaning that they experience sexual desire,” Wright adds.)
Here’s what is real: The importance of sex in a relationship depends on how much you value sex.
How important is sex in a relationship, really?
There are several health benefits to having consistent sex. According to the Cleveland Clinic, sex has been shown to relieve stress, sleep better, and boost your immune system. Studies have also shown that the less sex you have, the more likely you are to separate from your partner. But if you and your partner don't have as much sex as Larsa and Scottie Pippen allegedly did, don't panic! That doesn't necessarily mean you're doomed.
The reality is, sex in a relationship is as important as you say it is. The time to worry is when there's a discrepancy in how you and your partner value sex in a relationship. Think of sex like any other shared value; if one partner really wants to become a parent someday, and the other doesn’t want kids, they might not make the best match. The same goes for sex: “If someone thinks it's very important, and the other one thinks it's unimportant, they're gonna have problems,” says Nicole Prause, P.h.D., founder of Liberos, a sexual biotechnology company. Read More…
