How to beat abuse allegations
The following is the contents page from actor Johnny Depp's upcoming book "How to beat abuse allegations". He wrote the entire book while sitting at the plaintiff's desk during the six-week defamation trial involving his ex-wife Amber Heard. The occasional smirks on Depp's face, seen and adored by millions during the live-streamed trial, was because he was amused by what he was writing. Satireday got an advance copy of the book, and has tapped into Depp's Hunter-esque Thompson-esque mind to include a short description for each chapter.
Fame has its perks. I have been famous for a long time. I had scissors for hands, then I went undercover to bust Al Pacino, who told me a joke about a skeleton going into a bar, ordering a drink and a mop.
I sailed the seas as a drunken sailor. An octopus rose from the depths to kill me but I made it to the sequel.
After all that, a defamation trial isn't much, is it? Not when people want to see you slay more gigantic octopuses and drink more rum in forgotten islands. Not when men are tired of #Metoo allegations that give women too much power. Read More...
