How To Reject Someone Nicely But Firmly, From Dating Experts
-
Loading... - Laura Rios
- 18 Jul 2022
- 96 Views
- 0 Like
- 0 Comment
It's never easy to reject someone. Most of us don't like hurting people, and rejection can undoubtedly sting.
That said, a kind but clear rejection is a gift: You're letting someone know—in no uncertain terms—that you're not interested in them romantically so that they don't continue to waste their time and energy on you or get their hopes up or face further hurt or disappointment down the line. You're also setting a boundary for yourself and protecting your own time and head space.
To make the conversation a little easier, we reached out to dating experts to get their best tips on how to reject someone nicely but firmly.
Deciding how to reject someone.
The first thing to consider is how you're going to deliver the news, whether that's via text, in person, or another mode of communication.
While it's widely considered best practice to break up with someone in person, letting someone know you're not interested in them doesn't always warrant an in-person meetup. According to sex and dating coach Myisha Battle, M.S., it's totally fine to reject someone over text if you've only gone on a date or two and your primary mode of communication has been through text. "To some folks, rejection by text is even preferable to meeting up in person only to be told things aren't working," she tells mbg.
That said, context matters a lot. "Think about your own specific situation," she says. "If you've been dating for a few months, it might be best to have a face-to-face chat."
If you're going to do it over text, below are a few examples of simple rejection texts you can send.
How to reject someone over text:
"Hey there! This weekend was really fun. To be honest, though, I'm not really feeling a spark. I hope you can understand, and I really wish you all the best."
"Thanks for dinner last night! I do want to be honest with you, though—I had a great time, but I don't think we're a great match. I wish you the best, though, and hope you find what you're looking for out there!"
"I'm really flattered by the attention you've been giving me lately, but just to be upfront with you, I'm not interested in you in that way. I think you're great, though, and I hope we can still be friends."
"[Name], I think you're a great guy/girl. I'm just not feeling a connection here."
"Hey, [name], I've really enjoyed getting to know you these last few weeks. I think you're hilarious and such fun. That said, I'm just not feeling a romantic connection here, and I think it'd be best for us to go our separate ways. I'm really glad we met, and I hope you find your person soon."
General best practices when rejecting someone:
1. Ditch the guilt.
"First, it's important to move away from an 'I am rejecting you' mindset to embrace a 'we're not a good match' mindset," says Carla Marie Manly, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist and author of the book Date Smart. "On a neurolinguistic level, we tend to feel negative and guilty if we reject someone. However, if we switch to a 'we're not a good match' mindset, we neutralize the guilt and negativity."
Think of it this way: At minimum, a good match involves two people who are both really excited about each other. If that's not where you're at, it's in both people's best interests to move on. And at the end of the day, you don't owe anyone your time or affection, no matter how much they like you.
2. Consider your timing.
"Be thoughtful. Rejection of any kind is hard to dish and receive," Battle points out. "Think about when might be a good time to deliver the news, for them and yourself."
If you know they have a big work presentation tomorrow, maybe save your rejection text for the day after. If you're feeling really stressed out right now, maybe focus on getting to a more relaxed place before you suggest meeting up to deliver the news so that you can let them down with a little more grace and thoughtfulness.
3. Be honest.
Don't beat around the bush, make up excuses, or reach for cliches ("it's not you, it's me")—just be honest about where you're at with this person. "It's hard, but letting a person know why you feel things won't work is usually the best move," Battle says. "Most people will respect your honest assessment, and if they don't, that's an even bigger sign of incompatibility."
Now, of course, being honest doesn't mean pummeling the person with all the reasons you don't like them. It just means being direct and making it clear that the door is truly closed for you.
"You might skip the feedback about how you're not attracted to them, but you can say that you 'didn't feel a romantic connection' to relay this," Battle adds. Read More...
