What Is The Dismissive-Avoidant Attachment Style? 8 Signs & How To Overcome It
Have you ever wondered why you repeat certain patterns in your relationships? According to what's known as attachment theory, it may just come down to your earliest childhood experiences. The attachment theory postulates the relationship with your caregiver can map out how you form and create emotional bonds with people later on.
Based on these formative connections, you can fall into four main attachment styles: secure, anxious, fearful avoidant, and dismissive avoidant. The dismissive-avoidant attachment style is easy to spot, marked by someone who tends to avoid intimacy and prefers independence.
Attachment theory.
In the 1950s, psychologist John Bowlby introduced the seminal attachment concept and proposed that children are born with an innate biological drive to form attachments with others in order to survive and thrive. Two decades later, psychologist Mary Ainsworth expanded the attachment theory with her "strange situation" study. She observed the different levels of attunement in how caregivers were able to respond to their child's emotional cues, and from the differences, she outlined the attachment style continuum we know today: from secure attachment style to the insecure attachment styles, which include anxious, dismissive avoidant, and fearful avoidant.
Where you fall on the spectrum depends on your environment and how your needs were met:
1. Secure attachment is when someone grew up with their caregivers acting as a secure base. They have an internal sense of security that allows them to easily form trusting and loving relationships with others.
2. Anxious attachment is when someone grew up with inconsistent caregiving, which contributes to high levels of anxiety and a fear of abandonment. They're likely to display "clingy" behavior and strive for relational closeness to the point of merging.
3. Dismissive-avoidant attachment is when someone grew up suppressing their natural instinct to seek out their caregivers for comfort. They tend to move away from relationships and feel suffocated as vulnerability increases.
4. Fearful-avoidant attachment is when people experience a blend of the anxious and avoidant attachment behaviors based on confusing and tumultuous experiences with their caregiver(s). They simultaneously alternate between desiring and avoiding relationships. Some studies suggest trauma is a key factor in developing this rarer and under-researched attachment type.
What is a dismissive-avoidant attachment style?
The dismissive-avoidant attachment style, often called avoidant attachment for short, is an attachment style involving a high level of avoidance in intimacy and a low level of anxiousness about abandonment. When intimacy increases, they express avoidant patterns and engage in distancing tactics out of discomfort.
"People with this attachment style have no problem being single," explains licensed professional counselor Rachel Sims, LPC. "They usually date many people but lose interest as soon as a sexual partner tries to connect with them on a deeper emotional level."
Psychologist Nadine Macaluso tells mbg this behavior likely originated in response to childhood experiences, manifesting a hyper-independent adult who dismisses and devalues connection. The devaluation is motivated by the need to avoid dependency on intimacy.
As such, individuals with a dismissive-avoidant attachment style tend to deny feelings and take their sovereignty to an extreme. They don't rely on others and don't want others to rely on them, they keep their innermost thoughts to themselves, and they find it difficult to ask for help.
They're also sensitive to feeling controlled, Sims adds, and they have a core fear of being hurt that makes it difficult to bond and open up. This makes it tricky for them to date since for them, the process of knowing and trusting potential partners is marked by pain, confusion, and distress.
How the dismissive-avoidant attachment style develops.
"Avoidant children are raised by dismissive parents who regularly minimize the importance of expressing needs for physical and emotional connection. These children learn to turn off their desire to satisfy such needs. Yet children's needs for comfort and connection in the face of threat or pain cannot be extinguished—only defended against," Macaluso explains.
Because the child cannot rely on their parents to care for or soothe them, they cope by burying their emotional needs and instead redirect their focus on rules and tasks to avoid the early pain of not connecting with their parents. Read More...
