How to Wake Up Earlier Even Though That’s Going to Make Your Day Longer
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Loading... - Daan Dekker
- 17 Mar 2025
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The quest to wake up earlier is a noble one, often pursued with the promise of productivity and the allure of a longer day. If you’re ready to embrace the chaos of an extended schedule, here’s a guide to waking up earlier, even if it means sacrificing your precious sleep and sanity.
1. Set Multiple Alarms
Why settle for one alarm when you can have a cacophony of blaring devices? Set multiple alarms at five-minute intervals, strategically placed across your room. This way, you’ll be jolted awake repeatedly, ensuring that you start your day with a heart rate that rivals a marathon runner. Bonus points if you have to leap out of bed to turn them off!
2. Embrace the Cold, Hard Reality
Forget cozy blankets and warm beds! To truly wake up earlier, you must embrace the cold, hard reality of life. Open your window wide and let the brisk morning air slap you in the face. Nothing says “good morning” like a gust of wind that makes you question your life choices.
3. Plan an Overly Ambitious Morning Routine
Create a morning routine so elaborate that it would make a military operation look like a leisurely stroll. Include activities like yoga, meditation, a five-course breakfast, and a full skincare regimen. By the time you’re done, you’ll be so exhausted that you’ll wonder why you didn’t just sleep in.
4. Drink a Pot of Coffee
What’s the best way to wake up earlier? Caffeine, of course! Brew a pot of coffee strong enough to wake the dead. Drink it all in one go, and prepare for the delightful jitters that will accompany your newfound alertness. Who needs sleep when you can have a heart that races like it’s auditioning for a role in a horror movie?
5. Engage in Existential Reflection
As you sip your coffee and contemplate the meaning of life at an ungodly hour, take a moment to reflect on your choices. Ask yourself questions like, “Why am I awake?” and “What have I done to deserve this?” This will not only help you wake up but also provide ample material for your next therapy session.
6. Exercise Like You’re Training for the Olympics
To truly make the most of your early morning, engage in a rigorous workout routine that would make Olympians weep. Run, lift weights, or do high-intensity interval training. By the time you’re done, you’ll be so exhausted that you’ll question why you didn’t just sleep in and skip the whole ordeal.
7. Prepare for a Long Day of Regret
As you finally emerge from your morning routine, prepare yourself for the long day ahead. Remember, waking up earlier means you’ll have more time to regret your decisions, including the decision to wake up earlier. Embrace the irony of your situation and carry on with your day, fueled by caffeine and existential dread.
8. Repeat Daily
Congratulations! You’ve successfully woken up earlier and extended your day into a seemingly endless cycle of productivity and fatigue. Repeat this process daily, and soon you’ll be a master of early mornings, wondering why you ever thought this was a good idea in the first place.
Waking up earlier may seem like a noble goal, but it’s really just a way to stretch your day into a long, drawn-out affair filled with regret and caffeine-induced jitters. So go ahead, set those alarms, embrace the cold, and prepare for a day that feels like it lasts forever. After all, who needs sleep when you can have an extra-long day of questionable choices?
