My Wife’s A Girl
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Loading... - Samuel Johnson
- 09 Mar 2023
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On this International Women’s Day, The Onion devotes its sterling reportage to championing women—a small but influential sliver of the nation’s population—in an endeavor to prevent them from vanishing from the public consciousness entirely.
On this most important day, it’s essential to acknowledge girls for all they are. In today’s current climate of bigotry and hate, there are many obstacles that girls face throughout this country. And I should know, because my wife is a girl.
Honest to God.
Now, some of my friends on the other side of the aisle will claim that girls are just an exaggeration, that we’re playing them up for political gain. Well, I got some bad news, buddy. Read my marriage certificate and weep. It says right there, plain as day, I’m married to girl.
Being a girl is just the kind of girl Jill is. Since the moment I met her, she’s been a girl. I remember when I first laid eyes on her, I was struck by just how much of a girl she was. And every day since then I’ve been inspired by her girlness.
Jill never let being a girl get in the way of her girl dreams. Through all of life’s ups and downs, she’s been unwavering in being a girl. And she’s done a lot of girl stuff. She even became a doctor. Well, more of a girl doctor. Read More…
