Mythbusters: Are French parents really hyper strict with their children?
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Loading... - Alejandro Colombo
- 31 Oct 2022
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The theory of the strict French parent has even translated into a best-selling book – French Kids Don’t Throw Food, which joins other titles of dubious scientific accuracy such as French Women Don’t Get Fat.
But while international obesity rates comprehensively debunk the latter title, strictness of parenting style is rather harder to measure.
And parenting in France, just like everywhere else, also evolves with time.
At present a debate is raging about so-called “positive parenting’ whose advocates, including many psychologists, parenting and children’s organisations and NGOs, campaign for the recognition of the fact that any form of violence – even “light” – experienced in childhood has harmful consequences.
Another group, led by controversial psychologist Caroline Goldman, advocates for ‘old style’ parental authority and defends the right of adults to maintain certain punishments such as the ‘time out’.
“No scientific study describes as harmful the fact of sending a child to their room,” she argues.
In the middle, there’s everyone else, including parents.
“They are lost. For a long time, sending a child to his or her room was seen as a good way to calm [both] child and adult down and stop the conflict. Now, this method seems to be disavowed,” child psychiatrist Patrick Ben Soussan told Le Parisien recently.
So what is the official line on parenting in France?
Well smacking is out. France finally formally outlawed corporal punishment of children in 2019, when the parental smack – la fessée – was banned. It has been written into the Civil Code and read out to couples when they exchange their marital vows.
The law took effect, three years after the UN had said it must “explicitly prohibit” all forms of corporal punishment of children but had in reality been on the decline for years in France, as elsewhere.
All new parents are sent a letter from the government, outlining the ‘contract’ between family and state – parents raise their children to the best of their abilities and the state provides the schools, healthcare, leisure services and parks that will help with that.
Schools
Schools in France are notorious for box-tick teaching. Children who don’t conform to accepted ‘norms’ are likely to find their school years more difficult in mainstream education. Things are, slowly, improving, as the country belatedly starts getting to grips with neurodiversity, including autism, but pupils who prefer to study sports or music (for example) may spend a lot of time being bored as they learn maths and French.
And, while many teachers will happily discuss a child’s progress with parents, don’t imagine that all of them will readily amend their methods for a single pupil with particular needs. And while a child is at school, they operate under school rules, some of which may seem somewhat arbitrary. Read More...
