Never Go to Bed Angry With Your Partner
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Loading... - Dendera Abdo
- 02 Aug 2024
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We've all heard the advice: "Never go to bed angry with your partner." But what does it really mean? Is it about suppressing anger or avoiding conflict? Not quite. The key lies in understanding the difference between anger and destructive anger.
Anger is a Wave, Not a Flood
Anger is a natural emotion, a wave that can arise in any relationship. However, it's the destructive, overwhelming anger that can threaten to engulf us. The advice to "never go to bed angry" is not about eliminating anger, but about acknowledging and managing it in a healthy way.
The Power of Acknowledgment
When we acknowledge our anger, we're not just feeling it; we're reasoning about it. This reasoning leads to empathy, both for ourselves and our partner. We recognize that our partner is also human, with their own emotions and needs.
Validating Our Emotions
To validate ourselves, we can express our feelings: "I'm so angry, I feel like I could just punch him/her." Or, "I feel like crying." This acknowledgment helps us see ourselves and our partner more clearly. We're not just our emotions; we're capable of observing and understanding them.
Empathy and Self-Love
In acknowledging our emotions, we develop empathy for ourselves and our partner. We recognize that we're not just our emotions, but also our thoughts and desires. This self-awareness helps us care for ourselves and our relationship, beyond our immediate upset.
Resetting Our Nervous System
By acknowledging and validating our emotions, we can reset our dysregulated nervous system. This helps us approach the conflict with a clearer mind and a more open heart.
Admitting and Trusting
After acknowledging our emotions, we need to communicate with our partner. "I feel angry with you, but I want to talk about it when we're both refreshed." This two-way support ensures that we validate each other and commit to finding a resolution.
Trust and Vulnerability
Trust is built when we admit our vulnerability and commit to working through our emotions together. If one partner remains angry or unexamined, resentment can accumulate and destroy the relationship over time.
The True Meaning of "Never Going to Bed Angry"
The advice to "never go to bed angry" is not about avoiding conflict, but about recognizing that our relationships are permanent, while our feelings are fleeting. By acknowledging and managing our anger, we can create a stronger, more empathetic bond with our partner.
