Newly Dating? 15 Pieces of Advice To Help You Build a Healthy Relationship
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Loading... - Jenab Chan
- 17 Jun 2022
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If real life was a rom-com, your relationship would go something like this: The ultimate meet-cute would have you locking eyes and knowing in your soul that they’re The One from the first “hello.” Cut to a montage of baking together (with spilled flour all over the kitchen, obviously), sunset strolls holding hands, and maybe a tandem bicycle ride or two. To no one’s surprise, relationships tend to develop a little less cinematically in real life. The beginning of a relationship is tough to navigate, but it can also make or break the longevity of your romance. Here are 15 key pieces of new-relationship advice to start off on the right foot (and figure out if it’s even worth sticking with).
1. Focus on the present, not the past
It’s natural to bring your fears and negative experiences to a new relationship; after all, it’s a survival mechanism to prevent getting your heart broken again. But even if old fears and insecurities may prevent heartbreak, they can also prevent you from truly being happy in a new relationship. For example, if a past partner was unfaithful, don’t distrust your new partner just because of what an ex-relationship was like. Focus on the qualities that make your new partner different. If they’re trustworthy enough to date, that means you should trust them.
Likewise, while the “dating history” conversation will be an important one eventually, don’t rush into it. Spend the first few dates getting to know your partner’s likes, dislikes, dreams, and personality traits, while they’re getting to know yours. There’s no need to explain what went wrong in your last relationship on the first date or find out about their dating past before you know the names of their siblings and where they grew up.
2. Talk about the future early on
While you shouldn’t focus on the past, you should focus on the future, at least somewhat. Of course, you don’t need to (and probably shouldn’t) ask how many kids they want before the salad course arrives on date #1, but you don’t want to wait until after one year of dating to find out that they never want to get married if marriage is a non-negotiable for you. It’s not always fun to talk about things like life goals, religion, marriage, politics, etc., but naturally work your deal-breakers into the conversation to make sure you’re at least on the same page as soon as you start to see a future together. Also, whether you’re looking for a long-term relationship or are looking for more of a casual fling, communicate it.
3. Make sure you’re attracted to the person, not the idea of a relationship
4. Don’t skip the sex talk!
This should go without saying, but if you’re not comfortable talking to your partner about sexual health (including STD testing, history, etc.), then you’re not ready to be intimate (or maybe they’re not someone you should be intimate with). Discuss your likes, dislikes, and what you are (and are not) comfortable with while listening to theirs without judgment. Oh, and don’t forget that the “right time” to be intimate is different for every couple (screw the “three-date rule” or any other bullsh*t guidelines), and remember that just one partner feeling ready is not enough.
5. Meet each other’s friends
Since the relationship is new, you may be tempted to keep it all to yourself. However, meeting friends early on is crucial. The way you interact with each other’s crew can give insight into your partner and what the relationship will be like. For example, if all of your partner’s friends are huge douches you would never get along with, you might not know your partner as well as you think you do (who chooses to hang out with douches if they’re not a douche themselves, ya know?).
Likewise, having your new partner around your friends can illuminate potential red flags. Your friends might see something that you don’t or your partner might not get along with them as well as you had hoped. If you both fit in seamlessly with each other’s group of friends, that establishes a mutual friendship, meaning you won’t have to choose between hanging out together or with friends when you all get along swimmingly.
6. Don’t have important conversations over text
Texting is a modern-day blessing when it comes to regular check-ins and sending funny memes to make your partner laugh while they’re at work. However, texting should not be used for anything deeper than making plans or LOLing over TikToks. Discussing your feelings for each other or getting into disagreements should always be done in person. Not only can texting make in-person feel awkward, but a lot can also be lost in translation and cause more misunderstanding. If you feel an argument coming on and you’re in a situation where you can’t at least talk over the phone, let your partner know you’ll discuss it when you can talk it through together.
7. Be yourself
OK, so this one sounds so cliché, I’m embarrassed to even write it. But I would have saved young, single Josie from a lot of wasted time if I had been 100% myself on every first date and at the beginning of every new relationship. I get it: You try to be all “chill” and “cool” at the beginning. You pretend you watch horror movies instead of the Hallmark channel, and you tell them you like their artsy music even though you only listen to Taylor Swift’s first three albums on repeat. Even if you’re still at the phase of shaving your legs before every date (ah, more innocent times), be honest and upfront about your likes, dislikes, and who you are. Not only will it save you time and heartbreak with the people who aren’t a good match, but it will also help the right person find you. Read More...
