The Common Feeling That's Incredibly Dangerous To A Marriage’s Integrity
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Loading... - benjamin square
- 08 Mar 2023
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Every marriage has its share of “grrr” moments, raised voices, silent treatment, and even the desire to escape.
It’s impossible to live intimately with another person — let alone for a lifetime — without wishing that person would change in a bunch of ways.
Disagreements are normal, but it’s when negativity and contempt in marriage are left unchecked that things get dangerous.
Criticism in marriage is a sign of a relationship in peril
Renowned researcher John Gottman identifies criticism as one of his Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse when it comes to marriages in trouble. Despite how hurtful and lethal criticism is, it still happens.
You get frustrated with certain repeated behaviors and make your discontent known. You don’t like the way your partner says or does something, and you get nitpicky.
You want perfection on your terms, and your unrealistic standards leak out. You get tired and lose sight of how hard your partner is working and how tired they are, too.
Ideally, you and your spouse would learn to present “complaints” as requests in a way to “repair” the situation. After all, it’s unrealistic to expect that two people are never going to want things to change.
Focus on behaviors or actions, and not on the person. Speak from a “feeling” — own it by using “I” statements, so your partner doesn’t respond defensively. Read More…
