This is going to hurt: how to have awkward conversations
Tricky conversations are easy to put off – but dodging them only makes things harder. They’re often about something that could make life easier or better but the fact that the exchange may be embarrassing or difficult for one party or both, forms a big barrier.
Remembering a few ground rules could make things easier. First: this is a two-way thing. It’s not just about you – the other person may also be nervous, uncertain, defensive, scared or unhappy.
Next, choose your moment. If it’s someone you know, think about their style of communication. If they don’t like being taken unawares, let them know you need a chat, and say what it’s about. It’s always better to have a tricky conversation in person, but if you do resort to email or text to set the conversation up, or to clarify issues afterwards, be very careful about the wording; be as even-handed as possible. Before you press send, read the email, imagining how it would make you feel if you were receiving it.
For the conversation itself, make sure you’re in the right mood. And be prepared for a curve ball. If the other person brings unexpected factors into the mix, park the chat for a while.
Finally, always leave the encounter having agreed what will happen next. And however unsatisfactory it has been, resist throwing your toys out of the pram. Saying you’ll hand in your notice, or never speak to them again, or trading insults, is guaranteed to make an already tough situation toxic.
As a rule of thumb, the trickier the conversation, the more you need to practise
Asking for a pay rise
You want to do it, but you’re terrified. Ask yourself why, says executive career and leadership coach Denise Chilton. If you’re worried about talking to your boss, unpack that. “Many people think the stakes are higher when they’re talking to someone more senior, but why should that be the case?”
The key element is to work out how much you want, and go into the conversation believing you’re worth it. Read More...
