What Is An Exclusive Relationship Really? 14 Signs You're In One
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Loading... - Aharon Gamal
- 22 Jun 2022
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What does it mean to be exclusive in a relationship, and how do you know you’re in one? As a dating coach, I work with many women who often tell me they assume they’re in an exclusive relationship with a guy, only to find out a few weeks or months later that he is still hooking up with other women.
If you find yourself constantly confused about where you stand when dating and in relationships, this article is for you. I’ll be breaking down what a mutually exclusive relationship is vs. a non-exclusive relationship, an exclusive relationship vs. committed relationship and how to end the confusion for good.
No more wondering if you’re just hanging out, having fun, or if this guy is actually your boyfriend. No more telling yourself (or other people) he’s your boyfriend until you know for sure that he is.
What does it mean to be exclusive?
Is it possible to be exclusively dating but not in a relationship?
Yes.
Being exclusive with someone means that neither of you is romantically pursuing anyone else. It’s a discussion you have and a decision you make together, usually after a few months of dating many people (Little Love Step #4) and realizing that this guy is special. You don’t yet know if he’s your person, but there’s a strong possibility that he might be.
However, when you have this discussion, it does not mean you’re automatically in a relationship and are slapping the labels “boyfriend” and “girlfriend” on. Some couples may be ready to do that, but others won’t be, which is why you need to make sure you talk about this openly and honestly with one another. DO NOT walk away from that conversation feeling confused. Keep talking until you both understand where you stand. I don’t care if he has to pick up his laundry or get his labradoodle a haircut—he is not leaving that room until he gives you clear answers.
If you notice he keeps skirting around the conversation and being super sketchy, it’s probably because he’s not ready to be exclusive with you but doesn’t have the courage to say it to your face. You can do better than this guy. Don’t chase him.
Congratulations! You just avoided a love rat. Take two steps back to Little Love Step #4, and start dating more high-quality guys.
Exclusive dating vs. relationship
So, how does this whole exclusive dating thing work if you’re not actually in a relationship yet?
It means you’re enjoying spending time with each other, deepening your connection, and slowly building intimacy. You’re not swiping on dating apps or trying to juggle three dates with three different guys in one night anymore. Your long-term goal is probably to commit to each other in an exclusive relationship, but you’re not putting pressure on yourselves to label it as official just yet.
The great part about this step is there are no external distractions from other potential suitors. And this doesn’t feel like a restriction. You’ve lost interest in logging on to dating apps, and you don’t really notice that hot barista in your coffee house anymore. Well… not as much as you used to anyway…
Removing everyone else from the equation allows you to discover more about each other’s lifestyles, habits, and quirks. For example, are you okay with how loudly he snores at night? Is he alright with eating gluten-free, dairy-free, low-sugar everything when he comes to your place? Are you truly compatible? Is this thing gonna work? Can he survive without cheese?
Okay, so what is an exclusive relationship?
I’m so glad you asked.
An exclusive relationship is a step that comes after dating someone exclusively for a while. There’s no set timeline for this, but you’ll start to know when you want to make things more official. You’re ready to call this guy your boyfriend, introduce him to the fam and send out a holiday card of you wearing matching festive onesies.
So, what should your next move be?
Verbally solidify the relationship (have the talk) and consciously decide to commit solely to each other.
Woohoo!
You’re finally official and planning your future together as a couple—this is what I call Little Love Step #6.
Are you ready to make your relationship exclusive?
Let’s say you’re dating someone, you like him a lot, he meets your love vision (Little Love Step #2), and you can see a potential future here.
How do you know when you’re ready to be in an exclusive relationship?
My advice is not to rush into this step. It will usually happen naturally after a few months of dating lots of different guys. Avoid putting all your eggs in one basket too soon, and make sure you get to know each other properly and determine whether there’s real potential here (Little Love Step #5). He might be everything you’ve ever been searching for, but if he’s off to China in two months to work at a panda sanctuary for the next year, you’ll have to think seriously about if you can make it work.
Yes, pandas are cute. But a long-distance relationship? Not so cute.
Signs you’re ready for exclusivity
Here are some sure-fire signs that you’re ready to take things to the next level.
You spend a lot of time together
Are you talking to each other every day? Do you see each other multiple times each week? Do you spend a lot of your weekends together?
If you are already taking up a significant amount of space in each other’s lives, this is a sign you might be ready for an exclusive, committed relationship. Read More...
