Why Expecting Your Spouse To Be Your Best Friend May Or May Not Be Unrealistic
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Loading... - katie georgia
- 08 Mar 2023
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Many couples started off as friends before they entered a romantic relationship. In fact, a lot of marriage advice talks about the importance of establishing a strong friendship in order to pave the way for a happy marriage.
I was asked to sit on a panel on pre-marital therapy along with three engaged couples. Among the numerous questions on what to discuss before marriage, including questions about trust, financial agreements, and how to get along with in-laws, were these: "Are you one another’s best friend?" and "When did you become each other’s best friend?"
This leads to a larger question.
Should your spouse be your best friend?
Something about this concept gave me pause. It's not that there are many reasons why your spouse should not be your best friend. I’m not convinced it’s all that necessary — or even possible. Sure, friendship elements are common in a healthy and happy marriage, but it seems too good to be true.
I decided to examine my skepticism a bit further.
What is a best friend? Or a spouse? Or even marriage?
The word "friend" is defined as "a person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically exclusive of sexual or family relations."
Well, that’s interesting. Yes, my husband and I share a bond of mutual affection, but I certainly don’t wish my marriage to be exclusive to sexual relations. It feels like, over time, we do indeed become family as we adopt pets, have children, and intertwine our families of origin.
So then, I looked up the word spouse, which is defined as "a husband or wife, considered in relation to their partner." So is a husband and wife just a married couple? Can you see how this is becoming frustrating? Perhaps the confusion lies in the vague way in which we define what it means to be a married couple. Read More…
