5 Classic Books To Pretend To Read While Stalking Your Aunt On Behalf Of Your Uncle
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Loading... - Jennifer Wood
- 09 Mar 2023
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Well, the worst has happened: your aunt has been acting distant toward your uncle. Now that your uncle has asked for your help in getting to the bottom of things, you’ll need easy and portable disguises to stay under cover. Keep it simple with these 5 classic books to pretend to read while stalking your aunt on behalf of your uncle.
1. 1984, George Orwell
Your uncle recently called you out of the blue and said, “She’s keeping something from me. Your aunt’s keeping something from me,” so you’re going to need a copy of George Orwell’s cautionary tale about totalitarianism to shield your face as you stake out the early morning spin classes your uncle suspects your aunt isn’t really going to. According to him, her muscle mass hasn’t increased at all in the four months since she joined the exercise studio. “I know your aunt,” he said. “This is not your aunt.”
Orwell’s dystopian classic will help you blend into the background as you sit in the spin studio lobby, secretly scanning your eyes up and down every middle-aged woman to see if she’s the one you’re there to find—your very own aunt.
2. The Great Gatsby, F. Scott Fitzgerald
Coming in at 208 pages, The Great Gatsby is a slim tome that won’t weigh down your backpack as tail your aunt’s car on your bike, because—GASP—your aunt HAS been going to spin class!
“It’s something else, then,” your uncle will say when you report that three mornings in a row, your aunt did, in fact, attend a 7:30 a.m. session of 80s Pop Power Cycle.
“It was never about the muscle mass. Cycling is an effective way to build anaerobic endurance, not muscle mass! I know it’s something else,” he’ll confess. “I fear… I fear she could be cheating on me.” Read More…
