8 Easy Tips To Increase Sexy Time in Your Long-term Relationship
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Loading... - Krish Bakshi
- 13 Jun 2022
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“Do you have time for a cuddle?” I asked my partner who was busy working at his desk.
It was a Monday afternoon, and I was feeling amorous.
“Of course,” he replied with a smile.
He stopped what he was doing, and followed me into the bedroom. We both undressed climbed into bed and wrapped our naked bodies around each other.
“I love you,” he said as he kissed me on the forehead.
“I love you too,” I replied, melting into his arms.
We held each other and talked for more than an hour, before getting back to our respective tasks.
But that brief interlude was enough to remind me of how we both actively work to keep every facet of our relationship healthy.
We have been together for quite some time now, and our past relationships taught us a lot about how to let the heat fizzle to a dud. That’s why we invest so much time and effort into keeping things exciting.
When it comes to sex, couples in long-term relationships can often find themselves in a rut. The mundane routines that often accompany day-to-day life can make it challenging to feel connected to your partner.
But there are ways to keep the sparks flying, even after being together for years. Below are eight (8) tips for maintaining a healthy and happy long-term sexual connection.
1. Beware of the stories you tell about your own body.
The majority of my clients are over forty. And one of the common themes that come up during my sessions is how they feel about their bodies.
Many of us have developed fictitious tales about our bodies over the years. We tell ourselves (and often our partners) stories about how we are no longer as attractive as we once were. We compare ourselves to other people and focus on our flaws. We create narratives that push the stop buttons on our libidos.
These stories can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you believe you are no longer attractive, it becomes harder to feel desire. If you believe that your body is no longer desirable, it becomes harder to feel sexy. And if you think that your sex drive has dried up like a California Raisin, it becomes harder to get aroused.
So how do you fix it?
The first step is to become aware of the stories you are telling yourself about your body. Listen to the words you use to describe yourself. Are they kind and loving? Or are they judgmental and critical?
If you find that you are being critical of your body, try to reframe your thoughts in a more positive light. For example, instead of thinking, “My stomach is too big,” try “I love my soft and curvaceous body.” Or, rather than saying, “My libido is non-existent,” try “My arousal has changed, and now I need a little more time for my body to come online.”
2. Prioritize non-sexual intimacy.
Sex and intimacy are not mutually exclusive. Yes, sex is one kind of intimacy, but when you’re tired, it may not be what you need — and that’s okay.
You can still experience the benefits of intimacy without having sex. And if you and your partner are both tired, non-sexual intimacy might be precisely what the doctor ordered.
Don’t underestimate the power of skin-to-skin contact. Hugs and kisses, after a long day, can be a godsend. Being able to touch one another just because and with no pretense will make sex more delicious when it does happen. In the meantime, enjoy cuddles often. Kiss like you mean it. Hold hands in the kitchen. And embrace one another because you can.
Low energy — big impact.
3. Talk about it.
Many couples who have been together for a long time still have healthy intimate lives. And you know what one of their secrets is? They talk about it.
Now, this might seem deceptively simple, but it’s true. Couples who talk about sex have better (and more) sex. #FACTS
I realize that talking about sex can be difficult, especially if you’re not used to it. But you know what I always say, “practice makes better.”
When you talk about sex with your partner, you are more likely to feel seen and heard. And that’s a recipe for intimacy.
4. Be creative & curious.
One of the best things about long-term relationships is that you know each other so well. But that can also be a challenge. Because when you know someone so well, it can be easy to get stuck in a rut. But if you think that you know all there is to know about your partner — you’re mistaken.
Your partner is a living, breathing human being. And that means that every day they are changing and evolving, just like you. So stay curious about them.
The best way to do this is to ask them questions. And not just the usual questions like, “How was your day?” Get curious about their lives, their thoughts, and their feelings.
Here are some examples:
- What’s something romantic you’ve always wanted but been afraid to ask for?
- Is there something you wished we did more often?
- What do I do that turns you on?
- Is there anything sexual that you’ve been curious about trying?
- Do you think you’re a good lover?
- What is your filthiest fantasy about me?
- What can I do to bring you closer to me?
- Sex toys or sexy fruit?
- Where would you like to be kissed or touched?
- What wishes of mine would you like to fulfill?
- What song best describes how you see yourself?
- Narrate our best sexual experience.
Asking questions is still the best way to learn more about someone, even if you’ve known them forever. So make curiosity a regular part of your relationship and you’ll be sure to keep the spark alive.
5. Stay in the room.
This one might seem obvious, but you’d be surprised how often we’re not fully present with our partners. We’re so used to multi-tasking that we often don’t even realize that we’re doing it.
But here’s the thing, when you’re not fully present with your partner, you’re sending them the message that they’re not important enough for you to give them your full attention. Even if that’s not true, it may feel that way. Read More...
