Man's Biological Clock Telling Him It's Time to Be a Crap Dad
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Loading... - Flavia Donato
- 10 Apr 2025
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A man has come to the realization that his biological clock is ticking—loudly—and it’s signaling that it’s time for him to embrace his destiny as a “crap dad.”
“I always thought the biological clock was just a myth,” he confessed while lounging on the couch, remote in one hand and a half-eaten bag of chips in the other. “But now I realize it’s real, and it’s telling me to prioritize my own comfort over my kids’ needs.”
Experts are now coining this phenomenon “Dad-Clock Syndrome,” characterized by a sudden urge to neglect responsibilities, binge-watch TV shows, and engage in questionable parenting decisions. Symptoms include an overwhelming desire to avoid chores, a penchant for dad jokes that fall flat, and an inexplicable need to take long, uninterrupted naps.
“I used to be all about reading bedtime stories and helping with homework,” he explained, “but now I find myself thinking, ‘Why not let them figure it out on their own?’ After all, I turned out fine… mostly.”
Surveys indicate that a significant percentage of dads experience a similar shift in priorities around the age of 30, coinciding with the onset of “Dad-Clock Syndrome.” Symptoms often peak during weekends, when the allure of sleeping in and avoiding family outings becomes too strong to resist.
“I’ve started perfecting my ‘dad face’—you know, the one that says, ‘I’m listening, but I’m really not,’” he said proudly. “And I’ve mastered the art of pretending to be busy when my kids ask for help with their school projects. It’s a real skill!”
As part of this new lifestyle, he has embraced the classic “dad uniform” of cargo shorts and flip-flops, which he believes sends a clear message: “I’m here, but only if it involves minimal effort.”
In a bold move, he has begun to prioritize his own hobbies over family activities. “Why go to the park when I can play video games for hours?” he reasoned. “I mean, they’ll thank me later for teaching them the importance of self-care, right?”
While some parenting experts express concern over the rise of “crap dads,” he remains unfazed. “I’m just trying to keep it real,” he said, shrugging. “Besides, my kids will have plenty of time to go to therapy later. I’m just here for the snacks and the occasional dad joke.”
As the biological clock continues to tick, he is determined to embrace his new role with gusto. “I may not be the dad they deserve, but I’m definitely the dad they’ve got,” he declared, raising his soda can in a toast to mediocrity.
In a world where parenting expectations are high, this man is here to remind us all that sometimes, it’s perfectly acceptable to just be a “crap dad.” After all, someone has to set the bar low.
