Walking Five Abreast While Texting: Your Guide to Being a Tourist in Britain
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Loading... - Juan Delgado
- 18 Feb 2025
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Welcome to Britain, where the tea is strong, the accents are charming, and the tourists are blissfully unaware of the unwritten rules of pedestrian etiquette! If you’re planning a visit and want to blend in seamlessly, look no further. Here’s your ultimate guide to mastering the art of walking five abreast while texting, all while navigating the bustling streets of this fine nation.
1. Form Your Squad
First things first: gather your friends and form a solid wall of humanity. The key to being a true tourist is to walk five abreast, blocking the entire pavement. This not only ensures that you’re taking up as much space as possible but also creates a delightful obstacle course for the locals. Bonus points if you can manage to have at least one person in the group who is completely oblivious to their surroundings!
2. Texting: The Ultimate Distraction
Now that you’ve formed your squad, it’s time to whip out your phone and start texting. Remember, the goal is to be so engrossed in your screen that you forget you’re in a public space. Whether you’re sharing your latest Instagram story or debating where to find the best fish and chips, make sure to keep your head down and your thumbs flying. If you happen to bump into someone while doing this, just shrug it off and continue your conversation—after all, you’re on holiday!
3. The Art of Stopping Suddenly
As you stroll along, don’t forget to practice the fine art of stopping suddenly in the middle of the pavement. This is crucial for creating maximum chaos. Whether it’s to take a selfie, check your map, or simply ponder the meaning of life, make sure to come to a complete halt without warning. Locals will appreciate the challenge of navigating around you, and you’ll feel like a true part of the British experience!
4. Ignore the “Keep Left” Signs
In Britain, there’s a little thing called “keeping left” on the pavement. But as a tourist, you’re above such conventions! Feel free to walk wherever you please—sidewalks are merely suggestions. If you’re feeling particularly adventurous, try walking against the flow of foot traffic. This will not only confuse the locals but also give you a sense of superiority as you navigate the chaos you’ve created.
5. Engage in Loud Conversations
While you’re busy texting and blocking the pavement, don’t forget to engage in loud conversations about your travel plans, the weather, or how you can’t believe how “quaint” everything is. The louder, the better! This will ensure that everyone around you is fully aware of your presence and can appreciate the cultural exchange taking place.
6. Take Advantage of Tourist Attractions
When you reach popular tourist attractions, make sure to stop right in front of the entrance to take a group photo. This is your moment to shine! Set up your shot, adjust your poses, and don’t forget to block the view for anyone who might actually want to enter. After all, it’s not a proper tourist experience unless you’ve made a few locals sigh in exasperation.
Congratulations! You are now fully equipped to be the quintessential tourist in Britain. By walking five abreast while texting, stopping suddenly, and ignoring local customs, you’ll not only enhance your own experience but also provide endless entertainment for the locals. So grab your friends, put your phones in hand, and get ready to navigate the streets of Britain like a pro.
