What Is Considered Cheating In A Relationship? The 4 Types + Examples
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Loading... - Sianga Fokou
- 25 Aug 2022
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Cheating is a painful specter that, when experienced, can loom large over a person's heart for many years. But what exactly is considered cheating? And what should you do if you find yourself in the unenviable situation of discovering that your partner has been unfaithful?
What counts as cheating?
The thing about cheating is that there's no simple list of behaviors that can be flagged as definitely "cheating" or "not cheating." Ultimately it comes down to the people in the relationship to define for themselves (in collaboration with each other!) what acts are off limits within the bounds of their bond.
Relationship therapist Jeanae M. Hopgood, LMFT, M.Ed., PMH-C, explains it as such: "Cheating is pretty subjective and can be anything from flirting with someone who isn't your partner, to full-out sexual acts with another person. Cheating is really anything that violates the boundaries of your romantic relationship and results in a breach of trust between its members."
If you even need to think, "Would my spouse/partner be OK with this behavior?” then this is a pretty good indication that you might be nearing the cheating zone. In the end, the only people who can know if you cheated or not are you and your partner(s). Together as a unit, it's you who set the rules and promise to live by them.
Types of cheating:
1. Physical cheating
Physical cheating is the kind that most people immediately think of and assume cheating to be. It's quite simply the physical intimacy that you're not supposed to share with someone else if you have a monogamous relationship. (And notably, even people in polyamorous arrangements can cheat and be cheated on if one or more parties engages in behavior that goes against the rules they may have set for themselves.) While it can range in severity, physical cheating is all about using your body to cross a line.
Examples:
Making out with someone at the club
Having sex with someone while out of town
Dancing sexily with someone
2. Emotional cheating
Emotional cheating is where things can start to feel a bit blurry. When you emotionally cheat on your partner, you share intimate details and everyday closeness with someone outside of your relationship. To emotionally cheat is to tell yourself lies like "We haven't even kissed, so nothing's happened that I should feel ashamed of" or "We're just friends!"
To be clear, a true friendship is not an example of emotional cheating. You need and deserve emotional closeness with people outside of your romantic partnership. The problem is when you imbue said friendships with secrecy and frissons of sexual or romantic excitement. The problem is telling your partner that "Linda" is "just a work friend," while you're telling her all your hopes, dreams, and desires (that you don't share with your partner). Read More...
