5 Reasons You Should Never Feel Guilty About Eating Leprechaun
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Loading... - Chase Bennet
- 03 Mar 2023
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The food industry’s negative impact on the environment, animal welfare, and human health is no secret, and it’s causing a growing number of consumers to prioritize eating ethically. However, the moral concerns around some foods are completely overblown. Here are 5 reasons you should never feel guilty about eating leprechaun.
Leprechauns, the closest genetic cousin to jellyfish, don’t have nervous systems or feel pain like humans do: You can ignore PETA’s moralizing over leprechaun suffering, because the science is in, and no, leprechauns can’t feel pain. Instead of nervous systems, leprechauns have a basic network of neurons that they use solely to sense their environment, communicating with their surroundings and detecting gold via vibrations that they pick up using the red hairs covering their bodies. Sure, as humans, it’s easy for us to anthropomorphize their jolly, impish grins, but rest assured that’s pure bone structure—leprechauns can’t feel pain, joy, affection, or any emotion we can relate to whatsoever. So if ethical concerns are the only thing holding you back from trying leprechaun foie gras, brush off that guilt and eat up!
Last year alone, 84 cats and dogs across the U.S. died after a wild leprechaun tried to mate with them: Leprechauns are known to mistake small and medium-sized cat and dog breeds for potential mates, a fact made only more disturbing by the fact that, like certain species of spiders, leprechauns kill and consume their partners after intercourse. Shockingly, in 2005, one notorious leprechaun that stalked the suburbs of Chicago at night was found with over 23 different pet tags in its nest, as well as a human child’s braces. Knowing that, you can rest assured that every leprechaun you catch in a bear trap, spatchcock, and roast for dinner is one that can’t hurt someone’s beloved pet.
Leprechaun cackling emits 10 times more methane than cows do: Don’t waste any energy feeling conflicted about the environmental impact of leprechaun consumption. It literally only does good for our planet. Read More…
