A Counselor Shares Simple Fixes To 6 Common Relationship Problems
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Loading... - Fanya Yougouda
- 25 Aug 2022
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Relationships are complicated, but sometimes we make them more difficult than they have to be. When navigating feelings and figuring out how to share your life with someone, small hurdles arise that can eventually turn into big obstacles. But rather than letting them spiral into eventual deal-breakers, you can instead implement simple fixes to minimize their damage.
All it takes is a clear head and an open heart to try and fix these hiccups. Whether you find it difficult to communicate effectively or are reluctant to open up, these simple fixes can help you be on your way to patch up some of your most significant troubles, because not everything has to be overly complicated. Sometimes the simplest solution is the most effective one.
Say you find it hard to spend quality time together because of your hectic schedules. Show each other you love one another and are each other's priority by funneling your energy into another love language, like acts of service or words of affirmation. Or if you struggle with boundaries in a relationship, take the time to self-reflect each day to understand why those boundaries are important to you, making them easier to keep in tact. Here are some simple fixes to the most common relationship problems, according to a licensed mental health counselor.
1. Poor Communication
Not everyone is a born communicator. Some people find it difficult to pay attention to their partner when they're speaking, get their point across succinctly, or open up and share their thoughts. But there are a few simple fixes to this problem.
According to Dr. Joanne Frederick, a licensed mental health counselor and author of Copeology, the first is to focus on listening. "People like to feel heard. Listen to what they are saying instead of planning your response. Don't be afraid to ask for clarification if you need it. At that moment, the person speaking should be the most important person in your life," she says.
"Also, make sure to have one conversation at a time. For example, if you are speaking to someone on the phone, do not respond to emails or send texts simultaneously. They will be able to pick up on the fact that they don't have your undivided attention."
Body language is also crucial in face-to-face conversations and video calls, since it hints to people how you're feeling and reacting in the conversation. "Make sure to appear accessible by having open body language. For example, do not cross your arms, and make sure to maintain eye contact so that the other person knows they have your attention," she recommends.
If you struggle with getting your point across — especially in arguments or serious talks — Dr. Frederick recommends practicing being brief but specific. "For written and verbal communication, practice being brief yet precise enough to provide enough information for the other person to understand the whole picture. If you are responding to a text message, be sure that you read the entire text before crafting your response. You will learn not to ramble or give too much away with enough practice," she says.
And lastly, think before you speak. "Learn how to pause before you speak and not say the first thing that comes to mind. Take a second and think about what you say and how you say it. This can help you avoid conflict and embarrassment."
2. Reluctance To Opening Up
If you struggle with opening up in your relationship, you need to practice becoming more vulnerable. Of course, that's easier said than done since lowering your guard can be pretty uncomfortable. But if you feel like you're creating distance in your relationship because of this, there are easy ways to practice becoming more vulnerable.
The first is to allow yourself to ease into it slowly. "Those who find it challenging to be vulnerable with a romantic partner have often 'been burned before.' So start by opening up little by little until you are more comfortable sharing the bigger stuff. The more practice and success with opening up you have, the more willing you'll be to become vulnerable," Dr. Frederick says.
The next is to take the time to check in with yourself. Once you begin suppressing difficult emotions, you may start to lose sight of how you feel. "Journaling, meditation, working with a therapist, or similar practices can help you better understand yourself and deepen your emotional life," she explains. "By forming an increased comfort with strong emotions, it becomes easier to share vulnerable feelings in ways that foster closeness and connection."
The third practice is to get into the habit of validating your partner's feelings. "Relationship issues can begin when one partner reveals something vulnerable, and the other either gets defensive or immediately starts offering solutions instead of listening," Dr. Frederick warns. "This can confuse the listener because they may think they are helping when they are hurting. First, validate. Then, solve. To validate your partner's feelings, you need to acknowledge their experience, even if you don't necessarily agree with their perspective. After the validation, you can introduce your point of view and discuss the issue. Remember that people tend to respond to displays of vulnerability positively."
Working on all three points will help you feel secure enough to open up in your relationship slowly.
3. It's Hard To Spend Quality Time Together
If you struggle to carve out quality time with each other, there are some easy ways to make that a priority again, even if your schedule is packed. All it takes is to shift your focus a little.
"Relationships are all about the little things. If you struggle to make time for each other, you can make an effort to do small things together until you have more time you can dedicate to each other, Dr. Frederick says. "These include prepping a meal together, reading a book before bed, meeting on your lunch break, taking an evening walk through the neighborhood." All that counts is that you're making an effort to spend some time together — even a small pocket of it. Read More...
